A Prayer for a Gray and Kind of Grumpy Thursday Afternoon

God grant me the strength
to resist spending $30 on the “mystery bag” for sale on StyleMint.com,
the membership-based “personal stylist”-type email service allegedly curated by STREET STYLE EXPERTS the Olsen Twins.

What is in the bag is a mystery.
Life is a mystery.
Everyone must buy mystery bags alone.

I have a really REALLY SUPER HARD TIME resisting buying things like this.
Whatever is inside could be something I really need or want!
Something I could never otherwise get!
Something totally BANG-FOR-BUCK!
Like a sunny studio apartment in The Village?
Or a year’s worth of free eggs!
A million lacy bras.
Season pass to Six Flags Great Adventure
& Wild Safari.

Do not buy this $30 Mystery Bag.
MUST not buy this $30 Mystery Bag.
I WANT THIS $30 MYSTERY BAG!

But.
It would be just stupid to buy it.
(Right?)

Amen.

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7 Comments / Post A Comment

Megano! (#124)

I got one of the ones from Jewelmint and half of it was stuff that wasn’t even remotely my style and I gave it away to other people, so.

SnarlFurillo (#2,538)

I cannot believe I just created an account in order to share my varied experiences with BeachMint properties Mystery Bags. I bought a JewelMint mystery bag last Halloween and got like 11 pieces of jewelry and a jewelry box. It was amazing. It made me love JewelMint. I felt like the most special girl in the world and spent like $100 on JewelMint stuff over the next six months. Then it was time for another Mystery Bag promotion. I bought it and got two janky plastic bracelets and a couple of “gold-plated” rings that looked like they were from Claire’s circa 1996.

Basically, I doubt the MysteryBags are random and I suspect you get put in a MysteryBag tranche, kind of like a risky mortgage, based on what you’ve purchased in the past. If you can deal with getting two tee-shirts you don’t really want and that you won’t be able to trade with anyone because they also got those two shirts, too, take the risk! Otherwise just pick out something you want and buy it, risk free. Or just save your $30.

The BeachMints are only fun for frugals if you approach them as a battle of wills- BeachMint wants you to believe that all the beautiful things are about to disappear RIGHT NOW unless you save them with your credit card. Every time you let the beautiful things die, you win.

Personally, I like to wait until they have a sale and snap things up for $10.

Can we all chip in a few bucks so you can get it and tell us what was inside??? The suspense is KILLING me. Literal pain. I put the value on ending this pain on $4.50. Who else is in?

ennaenirehtac (#199)

@Kara M & Lisa L@twitter I am in. I just want the mystery solved.

xxAnniexx (#1,137)

hahahah this was my task today (it’s a day off, ok world?), to avoid buying that mystery bag! and some butt elevating “james jeans” jeans that cost $200. the internet is an exciting place for vanity. that being said, what if the windsor vest is in the mystery bag?? what a thrill. thank you for your prayer.

lrodrigue (#1,315)

@xxAnniexx hi wow was just seriously considering windsor vest — fuck — fuck.

xxAnniexx (#1,137)

@lrodrigue why is the windsor vest so intriguing?? i just clicked through that e-mail they sent to beckon us with the final hours of the offer, i might cave like a total weakling.

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