Drafting a Letter to Sallie Mae
First Draft:
Listen up you soulless bastards,
I don’t have the money, ok?! I’m broke! You happy now?!
What’re you, the damn mob? You gonna break my legs?
I don’t have the money, which means you can’t have it. The end.
Suck on that, jerks.
Screw you,
Lilly O’Donnell
Second Draft:
To my tormentor, demon of my nightmares, cloud over my sunny days; to Sallie Mae,
This is the last time I’m going to try to explain this before I fake my death and move to Cuba, so please, pay attention.
You lured me in with the big checks, how could I resist? Now that you’ve lulled me into a false sense of financial security, the free ride is over and payday has come; you student loan crack dealer, you. But I’m not good for it. I’m just not.
I beg of you, take mercy on my tortured soul, witness the destruction you have wrought and let me be.
Pleadingly yours,
Lilly O’Donnell
Third Draft:
Come on, man, seriously, that grace period was laughably short, you can’t really expect that so soon after graduation I would be able to afford these payments…
I swear I’ll make the payments when I can. Just stop sending me such threatening mail, please.
Please, just make it stop.
Respectfully,
Lilly O’Donnell
Final Draft:
To Whom It May Concern,
Regrettably, I am unable to make the payments as scheduled at this time. Please assist me in setting up a more realistic payment plan.
Sincerely,
Lilly O’Donnell
Lilly O’Donnell blogs about women’s issues for Bust Magazine, and rants about America’s student debt crisis to anyone who will listen. She’s also working on her first book; a biography of her deceased artist father and a study of the creative lifestyle.
I have a question. Do student loan payments change depending on whether you’re graduated or not. I took a year off school and so I had to start repaying me loans and I don’t know if after I graduate (back in school for the last year now) the minimum amount changes.
@Weasley Depends on the loans. I got mine deferred for two years while I took more classes and thought everything was fine, but didn’t realize that one of them was still accruing interest the whole time, adding another few thousand to my total debt.
Mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you, not even close, not even a little, not even at all.
@Lauren I know Shakespeare’s a dead white guy, but he knows his shit, so we can overlook that.
Stick with the first draft
Yet again, a brilliant image/article pairing.
I am 45k in the hole with student debt – and the one glimmer of hope I have is that none of it is private student debt (it’s all government). Unless of course they magically become privatized, which I’ve come to understand is very possible. All of my friends deal with Sallie Mae and they have very bad experiences.
No idea what I will ever do, Cuba might be an option. Debt now is somewhere over $130000 and I currently take home $223 a week which is less than what my actual monthly payment would be now. For some time I did consider suicide but that has passed for now but with future prospects of living in a cardboard box while working full time it may return. Luckily I have no stable address or phone for the collectors to call so I am basically left alone at this point in time. Cant use degree, cant pass credit check to get into a home, Sallie miss managed my deferral to force me into default by demanding a lump sum payment to get me back into deferral so now I am left in default with no hope of return. I only hope more people get here fast as misery loves company. If you need help understanding why banks like bad creditors check out the film “Surviving Progress”.
I am one of those people who are going to try everything in my power to make sure my kids do not have to take out student loan debt. That said, I had $45k after college. While that is a lot of money, after 6 years of school it was only 8k a year; I had scholarship for the other 32k a year. How could I say no to that? I also went to a specialized college for music…not the same as a state school. While I still have a bit to pay off, my college afforded me a career where I make well into 6 figures. I still tell my students to take even those loans in UK if it is close!