Suggested Dedications for Your YouTube Cover of “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together”

1. Your bank, after you dump them for a credit union or combination safe hidden behind a tasteful painting

2. Your credit cards, after you cut them up into confetti

3. The most recent airline that screwed you

4. A bottle of tequila

5. Dairy products

6. Your boss, as you quit

7. The version of yourself that doesn’t wash your face twice a day

8. The version of yourself that always runs out of money days before payday

9. The version of yourself that is a master of self-sabotage

10. Your ex (boring)