But Wait, Now How Will I Discover Terrible New Dining Establishments I’ll Visit Once And Never Return To?

“Ding Dong, Daily Deals Are Dead: The thrilling demise of Groupon’s crummy business model.” WHAT A TITLE. Great title. Read the article if you like, but basicallyyyyyyyy: Groupon is going down and lots of people are happy about it because Groupon sucks. (Journalist/Groupon/hater Rakesh Agrawal is reveling in the fall, and detailing his I-told-you-so’s on Twitter. Fun!)

My least favorite part of Groupon besides the emails I’ve never managed to fully eradicate from my inbox, has always been their shitty, shitty writing and their shitty, shitty job ads looking for people to do their shitty, shitty writing. Take this call for writers, dredged up from my email from 2010: “Every business we feature gets a thoroughly researched and profoundly absurd descriptive write-up, and we are looking for a few freelance writers to add to our figurative stable of word wizards.” WORD WIZARDS. I’d rather die. I’m pretty sure I was halfway through trying to apply for this job when I decided that no, I would not do anything for money. (Thanks, Groupon.)

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