1 A Secret About Coconut Water And Also Happiness In General, Possibly | The Billfold

A Secret About Coconut Water And Also Happiness In General, Possibly

Step one, move to India.

Step two, walk outside. Select the nearest coconut-wallah, and ask him for a coconut. He’ll chop off the top, stick a straw in it and hand it over for the low price of twenty rupees. (That’s about $.50 or less, depending on the exchange rate).

For bonus points, have the coconut-wallah chop open the coconut once you’re done and eat the fresh coconut meat. Your friend tells you its good for health, but its hard to believe that anything so slimy can be good for you.

Step four, laugh manically when you hear about how the coconut water craze at home and how it costs $3/bottle.

Step five, move home and stop laughing. Discover that you can find less expensive coconut water at the local Indian grocery store. Start laughing again!


Rachel Vaughn blogs about teaching herself Hindi. 


13 Comments / Post A Comment

Tam (#1,881)

Or, move to Mexico and repeat all steps, except add a 4a:
- Select the ripeness of your coconut so the flesh can be from slimy to firm depending on your tastes, toss it with powder chili, lime and salt and enjoy!
(a coconut is a bit more expensive than 50 cents, though)

tn (#488)

I once picked up a carton of Vitacoco to make this coconut water and grapefruit juice shaved ice recipe, but upon trying the Vitacoco couldn’t bring myself to do anything but gag and throw the rest of the carton out. Any recommendations for coconut water brands that don’t taste horrifying?

@tn Pretty sure you just don’t like coconut water. Vitacoco is one of the best, especially the one with pineapple.

tn (#488)

@Jake Reinhardt Aw, well, I guess better to find out now instead of continuing to try to find a mythical brand I will like. I really like coconut milk and coconut, so I guess I assumed that would carry over to coconut water. Vitacoco just tasted overly sweet and artificial to me though, the latter of which I assumed came from the packaging.

@tn Jamaican Choice! (Which, unexpectedly, is a “Product of Thailand.”) The key is that it’s one of the few brands that adds a little bit of sugar (not a ton, though!), so that it doesn’t have the sweat-like taste of Vitacoco. It’s also relatively cheap – 99 cents for a big tall can. It’s much harder to find than Vitacoco, though.

@werewolfbarmitzvah Suuuuugar. I hate the sugar.

@tn vitacoco is gross! I like Zico better. And only cold. They all taste kinda gross when they’re not cold.

melis (#42)


melis (#42)

Coconut water is terrible – it somehow manages to taste both vapid and cloying – it is nothing but a pale shadow of the vastly superior coconut milk.

@melis opinions, huh.

melis (#42)

I will see humanity turn from the lies of coconut water or I will see them burn

sunflowernut (#1,638)

Every few months I decide to give coconut water another try – because it sounds like it should be so refreshing! But I always hate it.

e (#734)

Count me in the hating coconut water club! My secret to happiness is buy no coconut water, save the 50 cents, save it up for a real beverage.

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