Comments on: What I Learned from My Mother’s Overspending http://thebillfold.com/2012/07/what-i-learned-from-my-mothers-overspending/ Everything About Money You Were Too Polite To Ask Mon, 20 May 2013 02:27:23 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: dfr http://thebillfold.com/2012/07/what-i-learned-from-my-mothers-overspending/#comment-14540 dfr Tue, 21 Aug 2012 14:58:34 +0000 http://thebillfold.com/?p=9084#comment-14540 Spending lessons to me came the hard way. At one point in time I had acquired 4 major credit cards to prestigious banks. These cards gave me a total of $22,500 credit and I spent it assuming I was going to be able to pay it off. I needed help from Dad as well as explanations, receipts and bills. That was a big blow to my ego! After these bills got paid off I was free...to spend again, and did just that. The next time I went into great debt I was in my mid 30s and moved home with my parents. I ended up staying there longer than I thought I ever would and was embarrased by the fact that I ever moved back home. I lost toucj with all of my friends over this. It wasn't that they were going to be judgemental about this, but I didn't want to be around anyone because of this embarrased. When I moved out of their home 6 years later I was still in debt, but I had turned to a consolidation agency to help me, and they did. It took me, however, close to 10 years to get everything paid off due to the times I had to negotiate a monthly payment reduction. Now they limit pay off plans to 5 years. I am the longest-lasting client they ever had and the one who caused the 5 year limit to take hold. Having low-paying jobs never helps, even if you have 2 at the same time, and that has been me for several years. At least I never had to worry about having no income, even if limited, whenever I lost a job. It doesn't help, either, if you have periods of unemployment, even if you're receiving unemployment compensation benefits, since the time gap between jobs only works against you in the eyes of employers during your new job search, which I'm doing now. I keep getting extensions on my unemployment compensation and still am finding it difficult to find work. It sucks! Spending lessons to me came the hard way. At one point in time I had acquired 4 major credit cards to prestigious banks. These cards gave me a total of $22,500 credit and I spent it assuming I was going to be able to pay it off. I needed help from Dad as well as explanations, receipts and bills. That was a big blow to my ego! After these bills got paid off I was free…to spend again, and did just that.
The next time I went into great debt I was in my mid 30s and moved home with my parents. I ended up staying there longer than I thought I ever would and was embarrased by the fact that I ever moved back home. I lost toucj with all of my friends over this. It wasn’t that they were going to be judgemental about this, but I didn’t want to be around anyone because of this embarrased.
When I moved out of their home 6 years later I was still in debt, but I had turned to a consolidation agency to help me, and they did. It took me, however, close to 10 years to get everything paid off due to the times I had to negotiate a monthly payment reduction. Now they limit pay off plans to 5 years. I am the longest-lasting client they ever had and the one who caused the 5 year limit to take hold.
Having low-paying jobs never helps, even if you have 2 at the same time, and that has been me for several years. At least I never had to worry about having no income, even if limited, whenever I lost a job. It doesn’t help, either, if you have periods of unemployment, even if you’re receiving unemployment compensation benefits, since the time gap between jobs only works against you in the eyes of employers during your new job search, which I’m doing now. I keep getting extensions on my unemployment compensation and still am finding it difficult to find work. It sucks!

]]> By: Tricia Cannon@facebook http://thebillfold.com/2012/07/what-i-learned-from-my-mothers-overspending/#comment-11323 Tricia Cannon@facebook Fri, 27 Jul 2012 16:30:06 +0000 http://thebillfold.com/?p=9084#comment-11323 My own financial upbringing almost exactly resembles this! Shopping sprees with mom, and being told to take the bags into my room, and not tell dad. Coming home from school to cute new outfits laid out on the bed for me (luckily my mom has great taste). These were not great lessons to learn about how to use money and credit cards. I found myself with almost $10k in credit card debt at 27 years old, realizing I had no sense of financial responsibility at all. I had to learn the hard way how to control my spending and finances. Now, at 30, I've paid down more than half of my debt, and while I still don't have a savings account, at least I'm not racking up any more debt, and I live comfortably on the money I make. My own financial upbringing almost exactly resembles this! Shopping sprees with mom, and being told to take the bags into my room, and not tell dad. Coming home from school to cute new outfits laid out on the bed for me (luckily my mom has great taste). These were not great lessons to learn about how to use money and credit cards.

I found myself with almost $10k in credit card debt at 27 years old, realizing I had no sense of financial responsibility at all. I had to learn the hard way how to control my spending and finances. Now, at 30, I’ve paid down more than half of my debt, and while I still don’t have a savings account, at least I’m not racking up any more debt, and I live comfortably on the money I make.

]]> By: 24k http://thebillfold.com/2012/07/what-i-learned-from-my-mothers-overspending/#comment-11209 24k Thu, 26 Jul 2012 18:36:11 +0000 http://thebillfold.com/?p=9084#comment-11209 By: Harriet Welch http://thebillfold.com/2012/07/what-i-learned-from-my-mothers-overspending/#comment-11207 Harriet Welch Thu, 26 Jul 2012 18:28:56 +0000 http://thebillfold.com/?p=9084#comment-11207 @WaityKatie hahaha The first time I bought toothpaste I was like "Fuck yeah! I can get any kind of toothpaste I want. I can get all of the toothpaste. No one is telling me what kind of paste to put on my tooth! Wait, this shit is expensive! Where's the cheap kind?" Then I bought the same brand of toothpaste my mom has been buying my entire life. The cheapest. Also YAY FOR YOU! Good job getting the Mint thing and facing up to everything. It's so lovely to have your head in the sand, but you are doing the right thing. Go YOU! @WaityKatie hahaha The first time I bought toothpaste I was like “Fuck yeah! I can get any kind of toothpaste I want. I can get all of the toothpaste. No one is telling me what kind of paste to put on my tooth! Wait, this shit is expensive! Where’s the cheap kind?”
Then I bought the same brand of toothpaste my mom has been buying my entire life.
The cheapest.
Also YAY FOR YOU! Good job getting the Mint thing and facing up to everything. It’s so lovely to have your head in the sand, but you are doing the right thing. Go YOU!

]]> By: Harriet Welch http://thebillfold.com/2012/07/what-i-learned-from-my-mothers-overspending/#comment-11205 Harriet Welch Thu, 26 Jul 2012 18:25:10 +0000 http://thebillfold.com/?p=9084#comment-11205 @Vincennes That is a great point. I think the two could also be connected. I became financially independent when I moved out of my parents house because my dad said (this sounds mean, but I promise, it's loving)"Take your bed, because you can't come back." They were just really adamant about their adults being adults. My oldest brother was born when he was 16 and he became an adult. So, you saw your parents do something, and how it impacted them and you. It's still an example and probably impacts your thinking in some way. I definitely find, in my limited and anecdotal experience, that people who were kicked out of the nest earlier tend to be more frugal. Born of necessity I'm sure. Where your at when you become financially dependent, to a degree, kind of depends on your parents and their willingness/ability to continue funding you. All interesting stuff... @Vincennes That is a great point. I think the two could also be connected. I became financially independent when I moved out of my parents house because my dad said (this sounds mean, but I promise, it’s loving)”Take your bed, because you can’t come back.”
They were just really adamant about their adults being adults. My oldest brother was born when he was 16 and he became an adult.
So, you saw your parents do something, and how it impacted them and you. It’s still an example and probably impacts your thinking in some way.
I definitely find, in my limited and anecdotal experience, that people who were kicked out of the nest earlier tend to be more frugal. Born of necessity I’m sure.
Where your at when you become financially dependent, to a degree, kind of depends on your parents and their willingness/ability to continue funding you.
All interesting stuff…

]]> By: WaityKatie http://thebillfold.com/2012/07/what-i-learned-from-my-mothers-overspending/#comment-11198 WaityKatie Thu, 26 Jul 2012 18:07:21 +0000 http://thebillfold.com/?p=9084#comment-11198 @WaityKatie And I've realized that a lot of my spending was a sort of defective reaction to having grown up with no money, like "I never got to have the fancy soap growing up, but now I'm working and I can buy the fancy soap for myself!" I was biased against generic brand products for a long time because it just felt like such a huge freedom to be able to buy "the good stuff." (But that is crazy, because generic stuff is great obviously). @WaityKatie And I’ve realized that a lot of my spending was a sort of defective reaction to having grown up with no money, like “I never got to have the fancy soap growing up, but now I’m working and I can buy the fancy soap for myself!” I was biased against generic brand products for a long time because it just felt like such a huge freedom to be able to buy “the good stuff.” (But that is crazy, because generic stuff is great obviously).

]]> By: WaityKatie http://thebillfold.com/2012/07/what-i-learned-from-my-mothers-overspending/#comment-11197 WaityKatie Thu, 26 Jul 2012 18:04:57 +0000 http://thebillfold.com/?p=9084#comment-11197 Wow, this piece really hit home for me. In my case, my dad has recently been a compulsive overshopper (and he's also an alcoholic - it switches back and forth whether he's drinking or shopping), while my mom is compulsively frugal. So guess what, he hides his overspending from her. We always had little money and tons of debt, they've declared bankruptcy more than once, etc. As a result I pretty much did the same thing you did - overspent on books and CDs mostly, and lived in denial about what it was costing me. Rack up the credit card debt, pay it down, then rack it up again. I literally just this week signed up for that mint.com budget tracking thing and already I feel better about just facing what is going on with my finances instead of trying to ignore them. Hopefully I will find the happy ending you did! Wow, this piece really hit home for me. In my case, my dad has recently been a compulsive overshopper (and he’s also an alcoholic – it switches back and forth whether he’s drinking or shopping), while my mom is compulsively frugal. So guess what, he hides his overspending from her. We always had little money and tons of debt, they’ve declared bankruptcy more than once, etc. As a result I pretty much did the same thing you did – overspent on books and CDs mostly, and lived in denial about what it was costing me. Rack up the credit card debt, pay it down, then rack it up again. I literally just this week signed up for that mint.com budget tracking thing and already I feel better about just facing what is going on with my finances instead of trying to ignore them. Hopefully I will find the happy ending you did!

]]> By: jen325 http://thebillfold.com/2012/07/what-i-learned-from-my-mothers-overspending/#comment-11192 jen325 Thu, 26 Jul 2012 17:31:17 +0000 http://thebillfold.com/?p=9084#comment-11192 @Harriet Welch I agree. I think it's a lot like smoking; if your parents are smokers you might smoke because you learned it from them, or you might hate it and be adamantly against it your entire life. The same could be said about a lot of things: abusiveness, religion, vegetarianism, jazz music.... @Harriet Welch I agree. I think it’s a lot like smoking; if your parents are smokers you might smoke because you learned it from them, or you might hate it and be adamantly against it your entire life. The same could be said about a lot of things: abusiveness, religion, vegetarianism, jazz music….

]]> By: cryptolect http://thebillfold.com/2012/07/what-i-learned-from-my-mothers-overspending/#comment-11160 cryptolect Thu, 26 Jul 2012 13:33:25 +0000 http://thebillfold.com/?p=9084#comment-11160 Yes, but isn't "My Aim is True" such a great album? Definitely worth $25, especially if you weren't buying each consecutive reissue as it came out. You probably saved money on that one. Yes, but isn’t “My Aim is True” such a great album? Definitely worth $25, especially if you weren’t buying each consecutive reissue as it came out. You probably saved money on that one.

]]> By: Vincennes http://thebillfold.com/2012/07/what-i-learned-from-my-mothers-overspending/#comment-11154 Vincennes Thu, 26 Jul 2012 13:00:30 +0000 http://thebillfold.com/?p=9084#comment-11154 It's possible that where you're at when you become financially independent has more of an impact than how your parents behave. I moved in with a partner straight out of college, we had salaries in the low to crazy low range, we were really frugal and most of my savings are from that period of my life. That's a pattern that my parents stayed in all their lives because they did more or less the same thing - got married actually at University with no money at all to speak of. Whereas that relationship ended for me and when I worked out I could afford to live alone I realised this also meant I could also afford to spend more on things that I liked - which I did with remarkably little moderation for some years after. It’s possible that where you’re at when you become financially independent has more of an impact than how your parents behave. I moved in with a partner straight out of college, we had salaries in the low to crazy low range, we were really frugal and most of my savings are from that period of my life. That’s a pattern that my parents stayed in all their lives because they did more or less the same thing – got married actually at University with no money at all to speak of. Whereas that relationship ended for me and when I worked out I could afford to live alone I realised this also meant I could also afford to spend more on things that I liked – which I did with remarkably little moderation for some years after.

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