Watching the Kardashians and Working For Myself
I have a really embarrassing confession to make. Part of why I decided to go freelance last September has a lot to do with the reality show Keeping Up With The Kardashians.
You see, before going solo, I was working from nine to seven (sometimes longer) at a small digital agency. At the end of a stressful workday, I would come home and have the need to watch something mindless to dull the pain. I started casually watching the Kim K. Klan for escapism—but then their whole lifestyle infected my brain. I couldn’t stop thinking about how amazing their lives seemed. Beautiful, young entrepreneurs meeting people for lunch, “writing” books, getting their hair done, and fighting about Scott Disick’s commitment issues. Aside from constantly being followed by cameras, these women were completely and totally free. (And gorgeous.) They never needed to watch TV to forget about their shitty lives!
“It would be so nice to see the afternoon sun,” I thought to myself in a wine-fueled daze.
I had forgotten what going out to lunch felt like, what dropping off dry cleaning was, and had developed knots in my shoulders that were so big I was starting to get scared that they were visible humps.
“Imagine if I could just, go for a walk—or, take a meeting that was…beneficial, to me,” I said to my boyfriend one evening, while I was laying face down on our living room floor.
I’m not much of a complainer, but I was aware that I was too young to be this miserable, and also wise enough to know that in life, there is always more misery to come. But the immediate shit needed to be fixed before I started worrying about the future.
We talked it out, and decided that if I could line up freelance clients who paid enough to cover my share of the rent and some extras, I could take the risk and quit my job. It would be to the benefit of both of us, really, as I don’t think he could take any more of my grumbling, and like any guy, was clearly into the idea of a happier, more productive girlfriend (those are the sexiest ones, in case you are wondering).
I spent the next month or so applying to all the freelance gigs I found. My skill set—writing, social media, marketing—is hot right now, and something every business needs a little of, so I wasn’t too worried about finding clients. In late August, I was offered the dream: working from home for a startup that paid pretty much the hourly equivalent of my agency salary. I gave my two weeks notice, bought an iMac and a desk from Ikea, and started plotting my glamorous freelance life.
I figured I would work 6-8 hours intermittently throughout the day. Maybe I would become a yoga junkie, or learn how to bake, or join a writing group. My days would be more L.A. than New York, with mid-afternoon coffee dates, and 9 a.m. appointments at the hair salon. I would be polished, lose weight, and buy all the best Christmas presents that year.
Less than two weeks into it, I realized what a fool I had been. I enjoyed the freedom, the quiet solitude, and not having anyone yell at me—but I became lonely. (So lonely.) My boyfriend would come home from work around 7 p.m., and I would need so much more from him than I did before. Sometimes he was the only person I would see all day, and I would be showering and picking out outfits and making dinner solely for his existence. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, I mean, a lot of stay-at-home women do that every day, but for me it just felt… ill fated—and not at all Kardashian.
There were other things that made me feel less than glamorous. I wasn’t really taking many meetings. My major client was having me do work that wasn’t in the original job description. I stopped caring about my appearance. I ate weird leftovers more than I should have. The vast difference in what I thought was going to happen versus the way things actually were brought me to a conclusion that probably seems painfully obvious to most people: You can’t be glamorous unless you actually are. But it’s possible that you can be happy if you work at it.
I stopped chasing this delusion that being my own boss was going to make me into a well-dressed lady with a big (butt) bank account, and instead decided to focus on developing interests and opportunities that were actually within my skill set, and would benefit my career in the long term. I started a gardening blog about the pathetic plants on my balcony. I began writing for websites and eventually acquired real writing clients. I ran my first 5K. I picked one side hustle at a time, and really focused on it—like it was a request for proposal I needed to respond to, and I made it work for me. This kept me distracted, which ultimately made me less miserable to be around. It was a small success, but hey, those count too.
The only way I am even remotely like the Kardashians is that I feel like I am always working (give those ladies credit, it’s not easy being that pretty 24/7). I need to find opportunities, inspiration, and connections everywhere. I don’t have a team of people to make me look good, and its stressful as fuck to be going at it on my own career-wise, but it’s just the way things are now. It takes two things to be a successful freelancer: commitment, and fear of poverty, and unless you have both of those, you will be one of those people who says they are “working” when they are actually watching TV. And I hate those people. They are the most unglamorous people of all.
(See: Rob Kardashian, the underdog of the family.)
Caitlin Abber is a writer and marketing consultant who lives in Greenpoint, Brooklyn. She works from home, so she tweets like the world is her desk-mate at @everydaycaitlin. You can also follow her blog here.
I feel you on everything in this article. I have exclusively worked freelance since graduating college, which I’m just now realizing is sort of weird. At first I had the total domestic freak-out you speak of, just like completely weeping if I felt that my pan of housewifely, gourmet olive-oil muffins went unappreciated by my boyfriend. Then I got my act together and started milking freelance for everything it’s worth: I am currently doing a lot of work from 4 to midnight then going to the pool all day and reading. (I also don’t have a TV, which helps a lot.) Plus, I think with freelance writing/marketing, there are truly (as you say) opportunities everywhere, all those big companies whose PR people have relatively unchecked budgets and just love to outsource.
oh man, i just started working from home too (though not freelance) and i totally get you. it’s awful.
Weird, for me the two days a week I get to work from home (the other three I still have to go into the office) are just pure unadulterated bliss. If I could I would just always work from home, forever.
Freelancers! How? Like, what sites do you use to find work? I am trying to find a job but it looks like freelancing might be it for a while. I know how to query editors sort of (but I am scared!), but like, is putting up ads on Craigslist worthwhile? I don’t know where to start!
@Megano! Seriously, how? Everyone’s always talking about their “gigs” but it feels like some secret. How do they get clients? What does a pitch look like? Where do they learn these precious skills? They never told us how to do this in writing school. I would love a play by play of how one actually starts making a living this way!
@AnnieNilsson @megano! You should check out some freelance writer blogs for tips on getting started. There are loads of them out there, some with very practical, simple advice. Some of it might come across as dumb or obvious, but it sounds like y’all need a 101 game plan. Lots of them will explain the basics of pitching, how to find editor contact info, etc. It’s most definitely not rocket science, though the fear thing can be the most debilitating aspect (or at least I’ve sure seen/experienced it as that). If fear is really holding you back, you might need to get used to the idea of feeling indefinitely nauseous but also remembering that editors are just other people. I used to think some of mine hated me, but that’s absurd. Most are very friendly, even if they reject your ideas sometimes! Editors like to get good ideas from friendly people who can craft a solid pitch and meet a deadline. Like you, they want to work with other professionals. They’ll really like you if you can master those very simple things and might even offer you work that you don’t ask for.
Just my two cents as a very happy freelancer with many happy repeat clients :)
Oh and PS — I don’t know a single person who uses CL or any of those sites that supposedly give you tips on which pubs to pitch. But that’s just me. Making friends with other freelancers and folks in your (desired) industry is a far better use of your time. Friends and colleagues give friends and colleagues tips and even gigs. It’s that simple.
@shoot Hey thanks! Yeah I think fear is probably the biggest hurdle. And knowing that if you don’t go in acting like you already know what you’re doing, you won’t get a shot…
Any freelance writer blogs you’d personally recommend?
@AnnieNilsson I hear you. Fear is huge. I can’t explain how/when/why I got over it, but I did have a few people really shake some sense into me by saying such simple things as “Pitch who you want to write for.”
I think Mridu Khullar has a very good blog and an excellent archive of info about how she got started, query letters that worked, etc. (She’s also a buddy of mine, so I’m biased.) She’s also younger than a lot of other bloggers who specifically cover freelance writing, which isn’t to slam anyone but might make her overall tone and experience a bit more relatable. She’s also a generalist, so she doesn’t just have advice for, say, business reporters. Other intro to freelancing writer blogs that come to mind are Dollars and Deadlines (which is written by a very kind and generous writer named Kelly James-Enger) and the Renegade Writer (I think that’s what it’s called). I also highly recommend my good friend Michelle Goodman’s books on freelancing, The Anti 9-to-5 Guide and My So-Called Freelance Life. Again, very biased because I love Michelle, but I read her books several years ago and found them to be enormously helpful as I was getting started.
Re: making freelancer friends, which I can’t emphasize enough and will thus talk about some more, look for folks in your area and invite them to coffee. Look for a writers group that does what you want it to do. (Mine, for instance, is about the business of freelancing. We talk about contracts and negotiating, not grammar. We all compare business plans — yes, we have them — and check in about monthly progress toward whatever goals we have, whether it’s income or byline. We’re also all ladies and cover diverse subjects, which seems to keep things extra interesting.) Go to media events, walk up to people, and introduce yourself, even if you think that sounds like torture. (People hire people they know, and this has actually worked for me.) Ask friends of friends out to talk shop. (The worst they’ll say is no!) Most importantly, always bring something to the table — a lead on a website looking for writers, editor contact info that you’re willing to swap for some of theirs. If you don’t have that to offer, think of how else you can helpful and invaluable. This might sound rude, but when other writers ask me to meet up, I always meet the people who graciously offer something. We’re professionals, you know? This is business. Likewise, when I want for a writer or editor to have lunch with me, I give them a good reason. “Hey, let me buy you coffee. I think you should connect with my editor at X magazine, and I can tell you more about what they’re looking for.” Make it hard to say no. Lots of people are willing to share friendly advice. It’s all about the approach :)
@shoot Oh man, thanks a lot! This is so helpful and encouraging. You are awesome.
@AnnieNilsson @shoot
Yes! This is all great advice. I would also add a few other things.
- I recently went to a panel about women in journalism, and this concept of “fear” kept coming up. We all hate rejection, but it is part of the game. Every writer gets rejected, and you’re lucky if you get a response as to why — as this will only help you improve your next pitch. Think about it that way.
- Read, stay current, have favorite writers of novels, essays, blogs, etc. Follow people on Twitter. Twitter is content curated by people you respect. Think about it that way.
- Do more than one thing. That is, if you want to write, also learn how to do SEO or create B2B content. These clients definitely pay, which will help supplement your pittance as a budding writer.
and @shoot your writing group sounds awesome, let me know if you need more members!
Loved this. But I keep going back to this sentence: “You can’t be glamorous unless you actually are.” How does that work? Like it’s an inborn trait? I smell another essay…
I really miss working from home, but I bet the version of me that worked from home is rolling her eyes at me. I was super-lonely, too, and also felt like I needed way too much from my partner when he got home. Maybe it would work if I had friends who also worked from home?