Three Reasons I Said Yes to Everything This Weekend (And Am Happily Broke)
Saturday morning I woke up early, and, still in bed, read: 1.) an essay about Amy Turner, a 29-year-old Sunday Times journalist who died last week; 2.) a Reuters report that Alex Okrent, a 29-year-old Obama staffer, had collapsed and died at the campaign’s headquarters and 3.) posts and memories about the friend of a friend who died earlier this month.
Then I went back to sleep for a few hours, got up at noon, and spent the rest of the weekend and the rest of my money with good friends—meals and drinks and more meals and more drinks and a movie and a walk and more drinks. It was a great weekend, and it wasn’t until I was walking home in the rain last night, totally broke but totally blissed, that I’d realized that my morning reading had dictated my weekend, was the reason I’d accepted gifts of dinners , thrown down my debit card with abandon for split tabs, pulled-out cash without checking my balance, and didn’t think about bed bugs once.
I think we all need some of this in our overly-budgeted lives.
My mom, who woke up on Saturday mornings to casualty reports from Vietnam, taught me that we can fear an early death but still prepare for a long life.
While I’m glad that Logan is happy with the weekend spending, it does seem like spending out of fear. But I struggle with this too! I don’t want to pay my student loans; I want to go on vacations! Because one day I won’t be able to, so who cares if I pay everything later?
I really do get this kind of thinking, but another way to think about it might be something along the lines of, “Hey, I’m alive, and so just walking around this great city and not spending money is better than being dead.” Right? I don’t know.
ETA: Not trying to chastise you for having a great weekend, obviously! Je ne regrette rien, etc.
@ennaenirehtac Yes, I had two thoughts while reading this:
1. Sometimes we splurge, and life goes on. Sometimes it’s great to just say “fuck it” and go overboard and not regret it. (Not ALL THE TIME, but anyway don’t beat yourself up.)
2. There are many ways to celebrate and appreciate life without spending much–or any–money, so I think it’s also important to learn to take advantage of those.
I really wrestled with commenting here, because I think Logan had a totally normal reaction to hearing about people she could relate to dying way too young. But, Alex would probably be really annoyed at me if I didn’t point out that he was the “aok” posting here: http://thebillfold.com/user/959/aok/ Logan’s spending and attitude really drove him nuts…but, the way she expressed her fear of death by eating and drinking with friends is something that Alex would have heartily endorsed.
I also think that there are so many facets of who Alex was that are demonstrated in this series of comments…the initial righteous ferociousness, the willingness to hear others and even admit that perhaps some of that ferociousness was misdirected, the naked intellect and sincere thoughtfulness. He absolutely relished any exchange of ideas, and embraced life in all its ridiculousness.
@TS@twitter Wow, this is a revelation. Did he ever write directly to Logan? Did she know that he said these things about her? Would she have felt the same about his death if she knew?
The Reuters report is so short. I really appreciate your comment here, as it does more justice to Mr. Okrent’s memory. And, for me, it also points out the stark difference between mourning a young person’s death and reveling in it. That sounds rather harsh, but yes, I think perhaps Logan is reveling in the idea of an early death, when she could be mourning the loss of a real life.
Paying respect is better than paying for another round.
@TS@twitter My initial reaction may have been too generous–was Logan actually *happy* that these people died because they had criticized her?
It’s awesome to be able to spend money like it doesn’t matter when you’re trying to cheer yourself up and live life to the fullest! But in order to do that you need to be more mindful when your life ISN’T falling apart. (And if your life is always falling apart, you should be making some big changes.)