I Did an Okay Thing That Meant Absolutely Nothing
Yesterday I went to the grocery store and bought: A spinach-and-edamame salad, two packages of cold ginger noodles, some laundry detergent, and a jar of bread-and-butter pickle slices (great snack). A few blocks from the store, a woman was sitting on the ground with a baby. She was vaguely eastern European looking. I don’t know what she was wearing. She looked kind of dirty. She had piles of things next to her. She might have been holding a sign.
I usually do not stop for people on the street. I smile or shake my head, I try not to outright ignore them because I think that’s gross, but I have given myself permission not to stop. But this woman had a baby in her lap and my grocery bag was basically in her face, so I stopped.
I gave her a pack of noodles and smiled and walked away. It took two seconds. But as I turned, I saw that the baby wasn’t just hanging out in her lap, he was breastfeeding. He was breastfeeding on the ground in the sun on Sixth Avenue where it smelled like garbage and people stepped around him while his mom begged for food and money. I should have given her the salad, too, and the $10 in my pocket, but instead I ate the salad for lunch and spent that $10 on a beer which I drank in a garden with twinkle lights and a friend.
It’s really hard sometimes. You literally cannot stop to help every person you see, so you learn to live with it, but that doesn’t mean it’s not heartbreaking.
I don’t ever give money, but I have often given food. There is something just so heart wrenching when a person tells you they are hungry, particularly a woman who is clearly a mom or who says she is a mom. A few months back, walking to CVS with my mom, a woman was outside begging every person for food. Bread and cheese so she could feed her son. We got her a bag of bread, cheese, lunch meat, and some milk. When we gave it to her she cried and said, amazed, “You heard me! You actually heard me!” In tears, my mom gave her $20 out of her wallet and wished her the best. At least a hundred people had walked right by her.
As a family, we have been broke, near homeless, and in great need of assistance in the past. Now that we are no longer in that position, we try to help when we can. My mom doesn’t understand how our country can tout such wealth and extravagance when citizens go hungry. These are great lessons she taught me and I will never regret helping someone eat if I have the means.
It’s true that you can’t stop for everyone, but I think most of us can stop for some people. Not sure how to rationalize when and why it’s fair, but I regularly buy food for several people who live in my neighborhood. I mean, we see each other at least several times a week. We’re neighbors, you know? And I’m doing better than fine, and they are not always. So, $4 burritos for all.
I also just started volunteering in the kitchen at a local church, where they serve upwards of 1500 meals three times a day, totally free to anyone who gets in line. It’s pretty goddamn humbling, especially when people go through the line multiple times. The second time I was there to work, they let me take food to some of the guys who live on my block. I showed up where one guy always sits with sacks of sandwiches to share and took 15 minutes to stop and chat with guys I always feed but never really spend any time with. Maybe it was because it wasn’t food that I’d outright purchased that time, but we all ended up exchanging names and sharing stories about why everyone needs a phone to be able to get anything done and why the nicest Section 8 apartments can still be pretty miserable because they’re empty and boring when you have nothing to put in them. One guy told me how he walks 20 miles a day just to have something to do. I learned so much from him that day, and it was so unexpected! You just never know how cool it can be to stop until you do it. I’ve never once regretted it.
Once in Philly a woman asked me for change while she was squatting and pissing. She was mid-stream and put out her hand and said “Hey!” Needless to say, I tossed some coins her way. From a distance. Because I admired her chutzpah.
I got a little bit jaded about helping the homeless after a few similar experiences. One sticks out in my head, a guy begging for money outside a Dunkin’ Donuts. I went inside, bought an extra coffee and breakfast sandwich, and brought it out to him, and he looked at me and was like, “I’m begging for money, not food.” I just walked away at that point because, really?
@ImASadGiraffe This is what I don’t get though. Why not just ask? Gotta make the handout useful by being informed. I only buy food for people who I know will take it. Some of the guys on my block don’t always need a meal, so those days, we shake hands and I tell ‘em I’ll buy them some food next time. Simple way to keep everyone happy :)
On the flip side, a man stopped me on my way to work this morning, put out his arms for a hug and asked if he could “spend the day with me.” That… is not the most comforting.
Good for you Logan! I’m a sucker for mothers with kids and veterans who I think are legit. That being said, most big cities, but especially New York, are so full of people begging, some of whom clearly have problems (I’m not talking drugs, there’s a super unstable guy I pass on my way to work most days who’ll yell violently at people if he goes too long without getting some change) that I just can’t stop for most of them. I help some of the time, but I pass like 95% of people up. I help out at a soup kitchen too, but nothing’s enough.