Comments on: Weddings Are Super Expensive to Attend, It Turns Out

By: Keck

Keck — Wed, 14 Nov 2012 16:43:02 +0000

When my two sisters and I went to my cousin’s wedding, we got her a joint gift that was a check for $100. Now, keep in mind, we were all in college or grad school at the time (= poor!) and had to travel to Pennsylvania from Oklahoma, Chicago and San Diego to attend (plane tix! hotel reserv!) a wedding at a hotel chain in the Pittsburg suburbs. Two years later, when my sister got married, this cousin gave her a check for $33.33. I’m requesting no gifts at my wedding but if my cousin gives me a check for $33.33, I’m giving it back.

By: ItsMe

ItsMe — Fri, 02 Nov 2012 12:24:53 +0000

So my best friend asked me to be maid of honor for her wedding, of course i said yes, but now i am totally regreting it…….i don’t know how to tell her its too expensive and i can’t afford it…..Firstly, she’s having a destination wedding due to the fact her fiance and her are from different places so the wedding will be in his home country, when she told me this i expected that since he’s from there he would have worked sumn out for us not to spend money on lodging, boy was i wrong…..they must have booked the most expensive hotel cause that alone is coming up to US$740.55 the flight will be US$461.19 and of course food, spending money, transportation and all this isn’t included in the budget as yet….I’m a single mom that obviously have quite a few expenses…..how am i going to manage such an expense……I really do not wanna put myself in so much debt for someone else’s wedding………HELPPPPPPPP someone pls tell me how do I tell her i simply cannot afford it…..sigh

By: Harriet Welch

Harriet Welch — Mon, 23 Jul 2012 22:27:01 +0000

@dotcommie
I know I am crazy late to this. I just feel strongly about this.
IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE THAT WAY!!!

We had two bridesmen, a bridesmaid and then three groomsmen. We paid for tuxes and my bridesmaid’s mom paid for her dress (we offered to pay, but she insisted) which was $30 and she will be able to wear again since it was basic and brown.
I did my entire wedding, food, booze, venue, gifts and assorted things for $3k with limited help from my family (my mom paid for my dress so that’s not included). It is 100% possible. Check out offbeat bride and there are loads of answers to questions like this and ideas of ways to make things cheaper.
Just consider the cost of travel and stuff and figure out how much it would cost your friends. To us, the costumes were important. We knew that these friends would have come as guests anyway, so we didn’t pay for their travel, but they wouldn’t have worn a tux. So we opted to budget for the tuxes and not the travel. It would have been different if people had to fly or if our area was particularly expensive.
Don’t get discouraged!!

By: sox

sox — Wed, 18 Jul 2012 04:22:54 +0000

@dotcommie The engagement gift does not seem all that common, and I guess it depends on whether there is an engagement party and what the couple are like. But generally it’s not necessary.

The bridal shower, however, is definitely typically a gift giving event – often it’s lingerie or something small and special for the bride, or something off their registry. Many bridal showers I’ve been to have had a theme, like the game where you bring a pair of panties wrapped without your name on them and she has to open them all and guess who they’re from (which umm, TJ Maxx all the way, seriously). Luckily my friends and I are on the same page where such a gift can be a tiny token of best wishes and could even be something you already had or a love poem nicely written out and the gesture/meaning hold the value.

By: dotcommie

dotcommie — Tue, 03 Jul 2012 17:43:33 +0000

there’s such a thing as engagement and bridal shower gifts? wtf. marriage is on my mind, and none of my other friends have gotten married yet, so i have no idea how these things work. i feel ashamed asking someone to be my bridesmaid if it involves them spending so much money on me! and the rings, jesus!! everything is $1000+.

By: cmcm

cmcm — Mon, 02 Jul 2012 12:40:09 +0000

A friend of mine moved to Australia and got married earlier this year and was all disappointed that so many of his friends from home couldn’t come to the wedding. DUDE. YOU GOT MARRIED IN AUSTRALIA. I don’t even know why he wasted the money on an invitation for me, he knows I’m broke. Question though: do I have to get them a gift? Because like… no, I really am still poor.

By: cmcm

cmcm — Mon, 02 Jul 2012 12:36:55 +0000

@lalaland I’m totally with you… if/when I ever get married, I’ll be like “it would be fun if you could attend!” But frankly the expectation that people will go into debt for your stupid party is just selfish.

I was supposed to be a bridesmaid a few years ago for a friend from school (who frankly I had completely grown apart from anyway) and I had to say I couldn’t afford it and we don’t talk anymore. I was living on student loans, in the UK, and she seriously expected me to magic up the $1,000++ that it would have cost to go to upstate NY in the middle of summer?? Yeah, obviously we just aren’t supposed to be friends.

By: Veronica Mars is smarter than me

Veronica Mars is smarter than me — Sat, 30 Jun 2012 14:47:49 +0000

@Poppy We had to drive across state (~300 miles) for a very dear friend’s wedding, which we would never want to have missed. Plane/train would have been cheaper, but with local transportation/car rental factored in, it was cheaper to but 650 miles’ worth of gas. We could barely afford to do it, even though the hotel was relatively cheap.

I couldn’t even work up the courage to ask the bride if she knew anyone whose place we could crash at, even though that could have potentially saved us a ton of money. In retrospect, we should have asked.

Anyways, my point is, I think asking for general assistance is fine, or sort of hinting like “well, unless I get a fairy godmother soon, I’m not going to be able to afford it.” But I do agree that outright asking puts the couple in a very uncomfortable position/possibly strains the relationship between the friend and the couple.

By: Charlsie

Charlsie — Fri, 29 Jun 2012 20:00:15 +0000

@Heidi I mean, I totally disagree, for my above stated reasons. I don’t take dates to weddings just for a warm body. I like meeting people, as evidenced by the amount of weddings I’ve been invited to. But I’m offended when I’m not given the option. I always find it to be a slight. If I’m not important enough to get a +1, take me off the list. Seriously, I’m not being dramatic, and I’m not whining. I’m just saying.

By: Heidi

Heidi — Fri, 29 Jun 2012 17:04:14 +0000

@Charlsie I think there are MANY situations where +1s are not appropriate! Oh my god, I have so many strong feelings about this. Basically I think you invite people who live together /are married / the equivalent and give those who will literally not know anyone else a +1. If you are having a laid back / informal wedding, sure, the more the merrier. But in other scenarios? I can’t emphasize enough how rude it is when people assume they are entitled to bring any random +1 (which is not to say your boyfriend of 2 years is in that category!)

But people also get burned by poor seating. The best weddings I’ve been to BY FAR had assigned tables and mixed the groups a little. This forces you to talk to other guests and get to know people better. It’s the only way to make friends at a wedding. Open seating is a disaster and grouping friends with friends often backfires.

Of course, the “living together” litmus is slightly arbitrary and there are always reasonable exceptions. But I have no patience with people who whine that their +1 didn’t get invited unless it’s an obvious slight. I could go on about this for many paragraphs, but that’s probably not appropriate at this point.