My Imaginary 20-Something Kid Moves Home
Agree on what is included — and what’s not. Define how much you can afford or are willing to provide. Is your kid going to pay for rent, utilities or groceries? If so, what amount and when? If housing is free, do you expect him to cover gas, movie tickets and other discretionary expenses? What about mowing the lawn, doing his laundry or making his own dinner? Will you expect him to go on job interviews or work at a part-time job while seeking full-time employment? Try to be as specific as possible to take the guesswork out of the equation, and to have a conversation to go back to if your child gets off track.
Hey imaginary kid! You asked me if you could move home after graduating from college, and stay in your old room while you hunt for a full-time job, and save up some money, and yes, of course I’m going to give you that option! I mean, it’s the year 2041, and we’ve successfully financed your college education even though tuition is now $1.4 million a year.
Imaginary kid, I’m not going to make you pay rent—for the first three months! If you’re planning on being here any longer than that, I’ll want you to pay me a little something not because I need the money, but because I want you to start showing me that you’re indeed the smart, financially responsible adult that I raised you to be. You won’t know this, but I am going to take that rent money you pay me, and hide it away in a savings account in your name. And one day when you’re older and ready to buy a house, or get married, or quit your job to start your own business, I’m going to give all that money back to you. You’re going to say, “But, Dad, I can’t accept this!” And I’m going to say, “No, darling, this is your money. I was just holding on to it for a while.”
Do I expect you to cover your own gas, movie tickets, and discretionary income? Heck, yes! If you’re going to see Harry Potter 15: Voldemort’s Secret Lovechild in 4D, you better pay for it yourself! But I’ll admit to you that I was just excited as you when J.K. Rowling said, “J/K! I’m writing a bunch more Potter books.”
I won’t make you mow the lawn, because grass doesn’t exist anymore, but I will make you turn on the Roomba to clear the aluminum driveway of all that space dust that’s been trickling in from the sky.
Good luck with the job search, imaginary kid. Remember that you can do much better work than any android can.
Love,
Dad
Photo: Shutterstock/Mopic
I feel I should come up with different a response, but “Mike Dang is the best” just seems to work every time.
I’m also hoping my parents secretly saved all the rent money I paid them, but I seriously doubt that happened. (It’s ok they are still awesome parents).
@Spinach Party Yeah, my rent money definitely went to help pay the mortgage and utilities and grocery bills.
@Spinach Party YES. “Mike Dang is the best” is the only response that comes to mind.
My parents are of the opinion that making me pay rent to them is useless because it “all goes into the same pot.” Luckily I put most (well a large chunk) of my earnings into savings so, I guess it works out. Mike Dang, I think any son you have would also be responsible enough to put his money into savings! Just sayin
You better hope your imaginary kid doesn’t read this post, or he’ll know exactly what you’re doing!
Here is a question: Billfold readers, how do you feel about working a well-paying job while still living at home? Paying rent, yes, but also trying to pay off insane student loans due to dumb financial decisions (or due to going to a public university out of state without having any money for it)? This isn’t my circumstance, but I keep thinking about it – like, if this were five years ago the response would probably be FAILURE TO LAUCH Y’ALL. But as long as the family dynamic is a healthy one and there are rules r/e division of labor, is this generally acceptable in American society?
@cat ferguson@twitter This is absolutely, positively acceptable. I did this for a couple of years. Paid rent, so helped my parents out a bit. But they also charged me much less than a “real” apartment would be it also let me pay for my final semesters of school and save like crazy so I could get on my feet and move out.
It also helped that I was technically living in an In-Law apartment above the garage not my old room…. But at any rate, I think this arrangement can be great for a year or two as long as it benefits everyone.
@cat ferguson@twitter This is totally acceptable! It’s exactly what I’m doing right now, living at home while keeping my pretty well-paying job and paying down debt. I don’t pay direct rent to my parents, but I buy the groceries, do most of the cleaning and somehow seem to drive everywhere.
I totally agree that in recent years my friends would have been all “failure to launch” and “how could you ever stand that…” But I think it’s been really beneficial on all sides and am somewhat frustrated by all the negative framing of multi-generational households in economic reports. Yes, people it is a trend driven by poor financial conditions, but it’s not a fundamentally bad situation that needs to be stigmatized so much. Even when things recover, I’d love to see this trend continue as a driver of savings and responsible development.
@cat ferguson@twitter Not only is this totally acceptable but it brings up a lot of cultural and class questions actually.
I think among suburban or rural families with kids who go to college this is very prevalent — living at home during and after college, especially if the kids have gone to really expensive schools or just had to take out a ton of loans to make it happen. Probably among lower-income city families with kids in college too.
The ability to label something “failure to launch” at all is a sign of privilege, in my opinion. All that is to say, it’s fine to live at home and pay down your loans, and if people around you act any specific way about it, that’s a Jerk Behavior.
@cat ferguson@twitter I still jokingly call myself a failure to launch though.
What NOT to do: insist that your stepdaughter pay rent when she had to miss a year of college due to major surgery, while not following that rule for your own children.
I love that you called your kid darling. More dads need to call their 20-something kids darling.