Concerts Don’t Have to Suck: The Rules
I love music, and I love concerts, but my concert experiences are often disappointing. I can’t see, it’s crowded, and I’ve paid a billion dollars for the privilege. But I still go to shows because I like to support the artists I love, and you can’t pirate a concert.
I’ve come up with some steadfast rules to make my concert experience less than terrible. I always follow them to great success, I think you’ll agree that they are awesome. The next time your favorite band (Train) goes on tour, follow these rules and have the best time ever.
Rule #1: Don’t go see Train on tour.
Rule #2: Ticket fees are the worst of all time, basically, and as a rule you should avoid paying them if at all possible. Sometimes this means you have to go to a physical place to pick up your tickets. GET OVER IT.
Rule #3: If you buy your tickets online, always choose the will-call option. If that’s not available, make sure you don’t have to print your tickets out. Shockingly, this is still a thing some venues make you do. Should I also fax something in, Ticketmaster?
Rule #4: You can often sense a pattern emerging depending on where the artist plays and when their album is released. Most artists tour right after they release an album–this is a pretty strong guarantee. If they tour OFF that schedule, you probably want those tickets. Those are more likely to be held at a smaller, more intimate and inexpensive venue. (Unless they are Beyoncé. Don’t even ask me how much I paid to see her at Roseland last year.)
Rule #5: A stadium show is always going to be pricey, and bleacher seats are expectedly the cheapest in the house. The price difference between seats where you can see something and where you pretty much can’t see anything can be over $100. Get the cheap seats. You’ll still be able to say you went, plus: Those giant screens will come in handy wherever you sit!
Rule #6: If you’re short, be prepared to have a terrible time. I’m 5’3″, and it’s truly a shame that a God-given attribute such as height can interfere with one’s ability to enjoy live shows. I’ve resorted to flatforms (basically, a new type of shoe where you stand on two pieces of raised platform, much like trendy stilts), but I’m still disappointed most of the time. Invite your tallest friend and sit on his shoulders? (No adult should do this.)
Rule #7: Never go to see one artist who is part of a line-up you otherwise don’t really care about. Really. Don’t do it. I once sat through The Black Eyed Peas to see No Doubt. I was sixteen and I still feel regret ten years later.
Rule #8: Music festivals are always overpriced, and you’re never going to see all the bands you want to see because of scheduling overlap. If you go, go because you want the experience of not showering for a week, not because you think you’re going to see Radiohead, Red Hot Chili Peppers, and Phish. (Haha, Phish.)
Rule #9: I don’t know anyone who isn’t too lazy to actually do this, but showing up at the box office day-of can be a good options to get otherwise sold-out show tickets and avoid extra fees. You might also get tickets otherwise reserved for the band, whose family or friends backed out last minute. Those are gonna be good tickets. This is not an urban legend! One time my mother and I got third row seats to see Paul Simon at Boston’s Orpheum Theater that had been originally “for his wife.” Whoops.
Rule #10: Make friends with a music journalist. Or any journalist, for that matter. (You might think: “That sounds tough!” It’s not. They’re everywhere.) Press always gets the best treatment at shows—not to mention a free ticket. There’s no shame being a good plus-one. (Good plus-ones bring the flask!)
Rule #11: Always, always show up drunk.
Lindsey Weber is a writer (duh) living in Brooklyn (duh) and her favorite song is ‘My Boo’ by Ghost Town DJ’s.
These are all true. Sometimes I’ve had good luck at day-of tickets on Ticketmaster, especially shows that were sold out the second they first went on sale. And if you’re in NYC, (shh!) but the Bowery venues except Terminal 5 typically let a few people in for a $20 even at sold-out shows.
And what’s the deal with Ticketmaster charging a fee to let you print your ticket out yourself?
Press all the way! And if you get press to a festival, you might actually be able to use a real toilet.
Also, I once fell for counterfeit tickets to a concert since I really wanted to take this girl who desperately wanted to go. I didn’t get the girl but I did learn that if you hold Ticketmaster tickets to a bright light, they glow blu-ish! It really works. And it works if you hold them against an iPhone also. So…if you find yourself meeting some shady character in the middle of the East Village and it feels like a drug deal but you keep telling yourself it’s only concert tickets, well you can at least verify the tickets are real right there.
Re #2, I’ve found that, at least with smaller venues, there’s often still a fee for buying your ticket on site. They’ll charge you $1 or $2 a ticket instead of the $3-6 you’d pay to process the order online, but it’s still totally obnoxious. Straightforward pricing apparently has no business in live music.
Yup. A lot of the venues charge their own “processing fees”.
@MuffyStJohn One of the few consumer products that’s priced essentially at free market whims, which blows because there’s a lot of collusion and comparitively little competition in the industry, so consumers get fucked over.
Contrast that with, I don’t know, CPUs, where prices are always going down, not up, and the concept’s not all bad, but still.
Agree with most of this, except #8! No, no no no. A good music festival is better than 10 individual concerts – if you like, or are at least interested in, a number of the bands.
For a whopping $200 or whatever, I got to see Arcade Fire, Muse, Phise (yes, Phish!), Phantogram, Foster the People, MGMT, Ellie Goulding, the Shins, the Black Keys, Tuneyards, Josh Ritter, The Decemberists, and so many more (outside lands, I love you).
Try to find a better deal with individual concerts. Dare ya.
this is pretty good, but why the beef against printing tickets – it makes me feel justified in my office drone job! because we have a printer, see. and really, most of the time you can just open the pdf on your phone and they can scan it. this is mostly use for venues with separate ‘will call’ and ‘already having tickets’ lines (all of them) and for people who hate standing in lines (all of us).
also you nailed it on festivals, except you left out “experience of now showering AND BEING ON DRUGS for a week.” festivals, especially where can camp (hi coachella/sasquatch) have their own unique beauty when you’re 20, but when you’re old enough to go to a real venue you realize that you’re 10 times more likely to have a good show experience at a place where: the crowd specifically wants to see that band (as opposed to having just wandered by a tent at 3 p.m. and Battles happened to be on), and there’s a sound guy who works there 250 days a year and you’re not outside. JUST SAYIN.
@Daniel Siegal@facebook Other benefits of printing (or better, having tickets mailed) is that if you end up with a spare ticket it’s much easier to sell it. Also, not having to wait in line at will call.
NOTE: this assumes that you can keep track of a ticket and remember to bring it to the show. Which is a major assumption.
Did an intern write this? Awful article
<3 <3 <3 <3 love you <3 <3 <3 <3
For one, you’re an amateur. For two, you went to see TRAIN, what did you expect, For 3, nothing funny about Phish. They put on one of the best live shows out there. For 4, Beyonce??
@thewedge No need to be harsh. Your music preferences don’t match up with hers. I mean we could go on about Phish…
Well, she did the “ha, ha Phish” thing.. so fair game.
Rule #12: Just don’t stand there, dance you fucking plaid-shirted assholes
@John Thompson@facebook Thiiiiiiiiisssss. I went to see the dancingest most danceable band ever at a theater in Seattle and most people were just kind of head nodding. Or staring at me like a freak because I was dancy-dancing.
Rule #9 has been good to me at the 9:30 Club in DC. Not only have i gotten into sold out shows, but i’ve also scored some free tickets to stuff when someone leaves an extra ticket with a door guy after a friend has bailed.
Poor list, especially if you’re judging your experiences on a Beyonce or Train show.
* #9 should be #1 … tickets are always overpriced at the time of on sale, both venue wise and scalper wise. Tickets cost less closer to concert date and you can get a steal on Craiglist/StubHub, or the venue released seats up close based upon revised stage setup (typically day of show).
* Get over stadium shows … unless you’re up front (at a hefty price), they aren’t worth it. Best venues are clubs.
* If you hate crowded shows, go to shows Monday through Thursday.
* Festivals have value, but give up being close to the stage unless you want to stake out a position all day. Hang out in the back with the dancing people and surreptitiously fill your soda with the vodka you snuck in.
* I prefer bands off album-promotion tour because the setlist opens up, not because it’s cheaper (and it’s actually not cheaper).
* I rarely buy tickets ahead of time unless it’s going to sell out. Roll up with a few minutes to spare, eventually the crowd will part and you’ll be able to get a good view.
* I saw the Black Eyed Peas open for NERD in 2004 and it was a phenomenal show, which is why I don’t typically skip opening bands. Knew nothing about them, then they blew up … best time to catch a riser.
“Get the cheap seats. You’ll still be able to say you went, plus: Those giant screens will come in handy wherever you sit!”
The above quote sums up the author’s perspective perfectly. She’s more interested in being able to “say she went” than she is in truly experiencing live music.
“Concert-going sucks.” – no one, ever (or so I thought)?
oh god i say that alllll theeeee timmmmeeeeee. well, mostly i just say NO whenever anyone asks me to go to a concert.
I did a #1/#7 combo and you’re totally right: sitting through Train to get to something you like is the worst possible thing.
Sweet so you are some hipster journalist that just goes to shows to say you were there… even though you apparently have a terrible time at every single show you go to. Clearly you don’t know anything about Bonnaroo considering Radiohead, RHCP, and Phish were all headlining acts with 24 HOURS BETWEEN THEM. No overlap. Music festivals are the best. Sorry you can’t hang.
Amateurs
@thewedge
If you buy your tickets online, always choose the will-call option. If that’s not available, make sure you don’t have to print your tickets out.
This is terrible advice. Why would I want to go stand in line at Will Call when I could get the tickets beforehand and not have to worry about lines or running late or meeting my entire group before going in?
And if I’m going to get the tickets beforehand, in most cases printing them is the cheapest option, and certainly the fastest and most convenient. The “TicketsNow” printing feature ranges from free to a few bucks (which is still a fucking screwjob, but what’s another 1%?). whereas most other shipping options from TM start at $10 and go up from there. The only exception is usually 2 week standard mail, which is great if you’re buying well in advance but doesn’t really help if you’re waiting till closer to the date.
Get the cheap seats. You’ll still be able to say you went
Get the cheap seats. You’ll still be able to say you went
Get the cheap seats. You’ll still be able to say you went
Get the cheap seats. You’ll still be able to say you went
Get the cheap seats. You’ll still be able to say you went
Get the cheap seats. You’ll still be able to say you went
Get the cheap seats. You’ll still be able to say you went
Get the cheap seats. You’ll still be able to say you went
Get the cheap seats. You’ll still be able to say you went
I just don’t understand why you would write about music if you don’t even like it.
1. Phish rocks.
2. you went to see Train?
3. festies are kickass… and as everyone has said, seeing RHCP (fuck RHCP), Radiohead, and PHISH was obviously easy at Roo, as they all played the main stage
4. go back to portland you pretentious fuck
5. wedge and jotta any terr this summer for you guise?
@Thomas Lenly Weathers@facebook Hi Thomas, this isn’t youtube, no need to act like a dick.
Lindsey Weber Don’t have to Suck: The Rules
1. Don’t write about music and you give the worst terrible advice.
2. Don’t bash Phish then talk about attending the shit shows you saw.
PS: I’d rather listen to Train than read another poorly written article by you
Yikes, I had no idea Phish fans were so hostile! I thought you people were supposed to be mellow.
@Marissa Yes! I don’t get the hostility. I had a roommate who was a huge Phish fan. He followed the band around the country, and disappeared for three days around Halloween to see them live in Atlantic City. The nicest, most mellow guy ever. We also had a bunch of random guys who my roommate would meet on Phish forums drop by our place to carpool to concerts, and they were all really chill too. None of them cared that I didn’t listen to Phish! These hostile commenters actually seem really out character to me. Live and let live, as they say.
@Mike Dang Seriously, I thought Phish fans were naturally ~mellow~
Some of the comments on this article are way harsh. Is it because of the Phish crack? I feel like making the author into Phish food goes against the band’s spirit.
Word. Festivals are always a crapshoot – it’s luck of the draw as to how many of the bands you’ll want to see will actually be within your capability to see.
I know that these days there’s no point queueing for tickets when often those outlets are competing with everyone else to click ‘buy’ online when tickets are released.
It’s those compulsory Visa/booking fees that really hurt, though. You’re paying nearly $200 to see the Foos/Metallica, and you wanna slap on another 3%?
I totally agree that ticketing fees really are no fun, but you know what? There’s lots of things we pay for where the parts of that price go to different companies beyond the one actually providing the core service and we don’t moan about it. The difference with ticket fees is that we see where our money goes. What most people don’t realise is that the bulk of ticketing agencies are also charging the promoter or producer as well through an “inside charge” on each ticket.
The main issue is that the business model for ticketing services hasn’t really evolved to be able to just charge one ticket price that takes in ticketing services and credit card fees; it’s still a crazy mess of sliding scales, percentage fees etc.
Also, you can usually get tickets at the box office on the day of the show for sold out gigs. BUT sometimes there might only be two tickets out of 2000 available, so it’s not the greatest option, but completely worth a shot if you are desperate to see a band. When tickets are allocated to particular seats, all venues keep a very small number of tickets reserved in case there are problems with tickets (double bookings etc) – and if by the time the show starts these haven’t been used, they can be released for sale, so it’s worth being front of the line for these.
And “always show up drunk”? Sure, if you want to spend the whole gig throwing up on your shoes.
@bronwyn Fact: Obnoxiously drunk people can ruin a concert. Fact: I have been an obnoxiously drunk person at a concert. Fact: I no longer drink (there are plenty of people who can drink moderately and handle themselves — I am not one of those people!).
Here’s the thing about festivals, there’s more to it than just the shows. I went to Glasto a few years ago, and I had a great time- I saw a ton of really great bands AND I got to do a lot of fun things (Silent Disco, Tranny Disco (actual title, not being a jerk), circus acts, etc) that I would have had to pay for separately anywhere else. Yeah, it’s expensive, but it’s an experience. At the same time, festivals aren’t for everyone, and I think it’s unfair to write them off as a waste of money just because it’s not your idea of a good time. By the same token, if you don’t enjoy live music, maybe it’s not a great idea to write an article bashing it. I feel like I’d get better advice from someone who really enjoyed going to shows.
I disagree with #5. I’ve bumped up the shows I really want to see to being deserving of paying for better seats. The last show I went to was Orchestra seating and it was a transformational experience to see the artist up close. Also, older venues like the Hollywood Bowl have much better sound below the center walkway than above it.
I’m still watching to see how this site evolves. The writers are a big part of that. I didn’t enjoy this post’s writer- it’s too “Tiger Beat.”