You Really Can Rationalize Anything
I’ve been hanging out in my friend’s hotel room this week because it is quiet and nice and there is Internet. There is also an Honor Bar. It works just like a mini-bar, in that you take things if you want, and then they charge you really high prices for those things! This is problematic, mostly because I’ve been eating things in it and I just found the price list. This morning I took some Late July Dark Chocolate cookies, which are not listed but I’m assuming are $4.75, which is hilarious and ridiculous, as they are a very sad version of a lesser-man’s Oreos. Also there are four in a pack, which is over $1 per cookie. Stupid.
During the course of my visits to this hotel room, I have also eaten two bags of M&Ms, which adds up to $14 worth of M&Ms, which, oops. I also drank a cranberry juice ($4.25), because I was thirsty. I didn’t know how much these things cost, okay? But … I could have guessed. I mean, it’s a mini-bar. These things are terrible. At least I knew enough not to drink to the booze?
The moral of this story, I think, is don’t leave your friends in your hotel room. The other moral of the story might be, if you do, hide the chocolate, not the price list. The third moral of this story is that captive audiences really will pay anything for anything, especially when it isn’t their money. Marketing genius.
Whose money is it? Expense account?
@Reginal T. Squirge I’ve worked places that won’t cover mini-bar purchases under travel expenses, for what that’s worth.
It’s New York! Do the tourists not know there’s a bodega on every corner? And I was recently impressed that some enterprising bodegas have taken to Seamless web for household items as well as two day old paninis.
@forget it i quit
I work on 5th avenue right where all the fancy stores are, and you’re lucky to get a pack of M&Ms for 1.50 at a bodega. Obviously that is better than $4 or whatever, but they take advantage of the location and jack up their prices too!
Does an “honor bar” work on the honors system? Because, in that case….
When I saw the words “Honor Bar” I though that meant it’s on the honor system. Otherwise what are they honoring? Love that cashews are almost as much as prosecco and that there’s an “intimacy kit.” I love hotels and the last time I stayed in one splurged with an amount I’m embarrassed to share, but despite overpaying for my room (at The Benjamin), I refused to eat from the mini bar, though I did take two apples from the gym.
Please, oh please, share what exactly is in an “Intimacy Kit”.
Late July cookies are VASTLY better than Oreos. Your impression was corrupted by how much you paid for them, I think!
I want to know what’s in the $12 intimacy kit. A foil pack of lube and a Magnum condom?
Holy shit, Logan. I’ve read the billfold since its inception, I read The Awl and The Hairpin. This is the first time I’ve felt obligated to comment. You are TERRIBLE. You’re not nearly charming or good enough at writing to make your actions even remotely endearing. I get that they wanted some Odd Couple type thing here with you and Mike, but I find reading you so enormously frustrating that I may stop reading the Billfold entirely, though I enjoy most of the other content.
In the words of one of my favorite Twitter accounts (while acknowledging that criticizing the style or editorial voice or tone of a site is entirely within the bounds of fair play): “your body is a collection of beautifully complex systems and processes. are you really gonna use it to type something mean to a stranger“
@melis I love your ghost posts so much that I am taking your comment to heart.
That said, I still find Logan’s behavior/writing to be incredibly frustrating, even if it’s just a character she’s creating. I should probably not have called her ‘terrible’ though.
@aok That’s understandable! I absolutely sympathize with having frustrations about the direction of the Billfold; I’d recommend writing to Logan or Mike directly with your concerns about the frequency or tone of Logan’s posts (maybe without the terrible part). They’re very friendly and responsive!
Something that troubles me is the level of vitriol leveled toward Logan’s posts, because to be honest, the Awl and the Hairpin post similar things! Posts that are mostly there to fill space. Today Edith posted about how much she likes hard-boiled eggs! Balk often posts brief, brusque rants about bourbon and depression. They’re not longform thinkpieces or hugely creative or cutting edge. It’s part of the Awl “brand,” I think, the sort of “they can’t all be gems,” excerpt-y style posts that get peppered in between more extensively developed pieces. But there’s something about the fact that Logan is a young woman sharing personal details about herself that seems to draw more targeted, angry feedback than what Balk or Choire or Edith or Jane do. Which worries and saddens me.
Which is not to say that I cosign everything about the Billfold, or that I think overspending and oversharing can’t be critiqued. Also, Ghost says hello and thanks for the kind words.
@_@ (<—that is Ghost)
@melis
I think part of the problem is that people are thinking that because this is a finance-related site that it must be ALL BUSINESS ALL THE TIME.
Either way, this is the internet. Nobody took things from the honor bar and made you pay for it. There’s no need to be shitty about how you didn’t like something you read and probably ruin Logan’s day.
@Reginal T. Squirge @melis
My complaint is most definitely NOT that this should be finance-related or business all the time. I love Balk being Balk, and Edith being Edith. It’s not the fluffiness or filler-ness that bothers me in any way. It’s actually the thoughtlessness towards others (and herself) that Logan demonstrates in these posts that I find bothersome. Melis, maybe you are on to something that it’s related to Logan being a young woman sharing personal stories, but I hope not – and I don’t think that’s it for me.
Balk being drunk and depressed is endearing (and well-written) because it’s his own life. Logan seems to revel in her inability to grow, or to learn, or to change her life in a way that she can stop fucking over her friends, and I just personally find that frustrating to read.
And yes, this is the internet. And I’m not a side owner/moderator or even contributor here, but I think there’s place for critical commentary. I apologize for any vitriol or ad hominem attacks in my piece, but…holy hell do I not find this shtick to be cute or endearing.
@aok *Site owner/moderator.
@aok I get your frustrations, but I do find it interesting that you give Balk something of a pass because he is depressed, when Logan also suffers from depression (which she’s mentioned several times on this site), and you do seem much harsher toward her. Despite the fact that “inability to grow, or to learn, or to change her life in a way that she can stop fucking over her friends,” are also pretty common problems for those suffering from depression (at least, they were for me).
@melis disagree! It’s criticism, and it’s an age-old practice. Do you also not like movie reviews? product reviews? etc. etc.? If you put something out to the public, expect a response. It may not always be positive. You have control over what you present, and you get to choose whether or not you give a damn.
@Jake Reinhardt I am late to this discussion, but it’s worth noting that the original poster said to Logan: “You are TERRIBLE. You’re not nearly charming or good enough at writing to make your actions even remotely endearing.” That is not criticism of her writing or this piece or the site, it’s criticism of who she is as a person. Defend it if you want, but don’t compare it to movie or product reviews unless you can find some (good/respected) critics who routinely attack the moral fiber of the movie or product’s creators, who they don’t know, based on something they didn’t like.
Yeah, this kind of pushes everything over the edge. Are you a child? That is possibly the only excuse for behavior that is this idiotic. Are you seriously whining publicly about not having money, then eating out of a hotel mini-fridge? I really liked the idea of an awl-ish money blog, but what I don’t like is the constant “OMG I’m so special/irresponsible CAN YOU BELIEVE IT” confessionals.
@Jake Reinhardt I just went to write a comment here and found myself writing what you had already said. I think people are delighted to see Logan’s honesty about money, but I only find it frustrating. This is irrational, inconsiderate behavior that gives me no sympathy towards Logan’s debt.
Awww! Logan, you are not terrible. BUT you love to dig yourself into a hole just deeper and deeper and deeper, it’s sort of like watching a Ben Stiller movie. If your friend has a cushy job and explicitly said that you could eat whatever you want from the mini-bar then I would say rock on! Cookies for everyone! But if that’s note the case then… well… Everyone knows the mini-bar is over priced! Even you know that! STAY AWAY!
No, CasualElegance. She IS terrible. Two options here:
1) The friend has the cushy job and explicitly said she could do it: Well, great! But this essay even SAYS “The moral of this story, I think, is don’t leave your friends in your hotel room.” implying that she’s doing something wrong and Logan-y, because…it’s cute? I have no fucking idea why.
2) It’s not paid for by her friend’s company: Well, we know Logan doesn’t have any money. Or any credit cards. So she’s just spending her friend’s money on stupid overpriced food because she’s too lazy to walk downstairs to a bodega?
Describe to me how either of those options don’t make her terrible. Or if there’s a third option I’m missing?
@aok Yeah, I mean, at what point do your actions really start to define you? It takes a certain amount of cognitive dissonance bulshitting yourself here to go “well, um, like, I do these selfish THINGS but I am not a selfish PERSON” No, no-that is entirely what you are at that point. Don’t kid yourself.
@aok I get your perspective 100%, seriously I do. I guess I said ‘you aren’t terrible’ because I don’t want to discourage Logan from writing openly on this site. I think that there is value in her doing so because there are certainly readers out there who will relate to these behaviors and hopefully they will recognize that they need to make a change. Logan needs to change, and I think she knows that. It is frustrating to watch her make poor decisions but I hope that in keeping up with The Billfold we will all see her evolve and inspire others to be better with their own money.
@aok Here’s a third option: Those things might make this particular thing that she did a terrible thing to do, which does not make her a terrible person. Have you ever done something wrong in your life? No one is perfect. Logan choosing to write about her flaws and her experiences — even if this post does seem a little flippant — doesn’t mean that those flaws or mistakes make her a “terrible person.” You don’t know the girl! You seem like a very reasonable person but I just can’t fathom how people think they can judge the actual character of someone they’ve never met based on a few personal essays.
You owe your friend $23 before she checks out of that hotel.
Maybe you can replace the M&Ms to at least mitigate the damage? These accounts of your financial mishaps are simultaneously endearing and ridiculous.
@Pete Davis@twitter I’m concerned as to in which manic-pixie-dreamgirl landscape they are endearing.
I think you all are conflating Logan the writer with the “Logan” character that she’s creating in her posts. It seems to me that she’s simply trying to discuss the myriad little bad-money-habit things that everyone does at some point, to point them out and open them for discussion.
I really, really want to love the Billfold. I love the premise, and Mike’s writing is great. Posts like this really shake my faith, though. This isn’t just bad behavior, it’s bad blogging. It’s time-wasting filler; the best that can be said for it is that it makes your audience angry. I hope that’s not your goal; if it is, I’m out.
@Frank (Logan’s writing is often great as well! This piece, however, is terrible.)
@Frank You know what, I regret this comment and my own negativity. I was too harsh, and I’d delete it if I could. I sincerely apologize.
Everybody needs to chill the fuck out.
@Reginal T. Squirge I realize this is apropos of absolutely nothing, but every time I read your handle, my brain wants to replace “Squirge” with “Squirrel.” Every time. To the extent that I just sort of blank over your actual username and in my head it’s “Reginald T. Squirrel,” where T stands for Squirrel.
Now you know that about me.
@melis
Sounds like Secret Squirrel’s lazy cousin.
@melis I do this too, actually. to the extent that I was like, “what do you mean, ‘replace “Squirge”?’”
also, I think that’s the most quotation-mark nesting I’ve ever done.
as Logan is a writer on the internet, I’m sure she has much stronger constitution than me, however, all of the above comments would have pushed me to open up at least one, if not two, ridiculously overpriced mini liquor bottles.
Largely out of spite. (which would, of course, only hurt me and/or my friend)
So as one terrible person to another, Logan, I enjoyed this piece. And I will continue reading and excessively commenting on everything at the billfold, at least partly because of your writing.
Logan: Oh, do I feel for you. When I was nearing thirty, I surrendered my credit cards and de facto control of my finances to a friend – my Mike, if you will – and I am pretty sure that he owes most of his grey hair to me and to statements like, “I didn’t know how much these things cost, okay? But … I could have guessed.” And that right there is what I would guess people are finding problematic with this piece. It sounds a bit… unrepentant, I guess. And I feel bad typing the word “unrepentant”, because I know what kind of burning shame would settle in my chest when I had made a couple of really poor decisions and was heading for a shortfall, so I would make these glib jokes about it – especially when I had to ask my Mike for a loan.
Everyone else: Logan has been pretty upfront about the thought patterns and habits that got her into the situtation she’s in now, and – take it from one who knows – much of that debt is owed to the cumulative weight of smaller, less sound decisions like this one. She could choose not to write about them, but that wouldn’t be entirely honest, given that her ongoing efforts to become more financially stable are a prominent feature of the site.
Admitting to self-sabotage or magical thinking or willful ignorance or whatever isn’t easy, and somewhere between, “I’ll think about it tomorrow” and donning a hair shirt, there’s a way to talk about it. Maybe this just wasn’t it.
PS: 12 years later, I have both cards back, rarely carry a balance, and have savings and an RSP and everything. It can be done!
@Kevin Knox@facebook Yeah, reading Logan’s post…at first I cringed, but you know: She’s putting it out there.
I have a family member who behaves in a similar way. It takes everything I have to not vent my frustration at not being physically able to change her/her lifestyle. (Often I fail.) But you know, jumping on her only reinforces the defensiveness and negative patterns.
I wonder, if we started couching things in terms of mental illness, rather than an issue of character deficiency or willpower, how much more sympathetic we would be towards Logan? I mean, I’ve had a history of disordered relationships with food, so I can relate to the whole small bad decisions contributing to larger trends. It seems to me that there’s not much difference between debt, “dieting”, and other forms of addiction/obsession/control.
I am reminded of my younger brother who once stayed in a rather swish resort hotel and drank a coke from the mini-bar in a moment of desperate thirst.
Upon discovering how much it cost he promptly jogged to the nearest town and bought a replacement from a corner store for approximately one fifth of the can from the mini-bar.
I’m not so motivated. I stare at the fridge until eventually I break down and eat the mini snickers.
I think a lot of the vitrol comes from the fact that a good sized chunk of Logan’s debt comes from travel, and yet this piece that she is just now discovering the cost of things on the mini-bar.
That implies willful, stubborn, grossly obtuse ignorance of her surroundings AND society. Mini-bar costs are something that is joked about regularly on TV, in movies, books, etc.
@RosemaryF that should have said, “this piece states that she is…”
I really love this site and I really admire Logan putting it out there the way she has, but I also felt rankled by this for a few reasons but it really comes down to the last paragraph. None of those are the moral of this story when we all know the context of Logan’s overspending already. Perhaps in someone else’s hands, this story might have those morals (but… really?).
The post would have been far more interesting if maybe there’d been less “aren’t I cute?” coming through and more introspection. Because I really think Logan’s problems are only going to be solved by being super honest with herself about what’s really going on in her brain – and will only compel the kind of supportive encouragement she’s had so far in the future – if she can get to the point where she might write and ending like this:
The moral of this story, I think, is that I know that mini-bars are a ripoff and when left to my own devices I chose to ignore that fact because they’re so convenient. The other moral of the story might be, since I knew it, I realized that I give in to my spending desires most when I’m just being lazy, like not wanting to leave the room to go find a bodega and get the same snacks for a third of the price. The third moral of this story is that if no one’s watching I just spend money I don’t have (or that isn’t even mine!) and then get my guilt absolved by confessing it online. Despite not having any cash nor any credit cards, I’m still somehow a genius about figuring out how to spend money.
Logan is like a lot of people I know – and I was also kind of like her. So many people reading this are rooting for her and then to read something so flippantly done is hard. It shouldn’t all be hairshirt posting every time she writes, but I think she owes it to herself to take the time to really think about what she’s done and why when she’s talking about her own spending.
(Sorry this is so long!)
@Mary-Lynn Bragg@twitter Yes, this. Both more-nicely put and more accurate in describing the frustration I had in reading this than my own comments. Thanks.
@aok Seconded.
you guys, at least Logan has some self-awareness about her financial situation. compare that to this other piece, which is just dripping with entitlement & not an ounce of self-reflection.
http://www.xojane.com/issues/millennials-spending-luxury
Wow. I slid right by this post in Google Reader without thinking too much about it but I’m shocked and a little disappointed to see so much weird, scoldy, Protestant-work-ethic vitriol down here in the comments. I see that several commenters have said “this is not what I expected/hoped for from The Billfold.” Well for what it’s worth, these are not the kind of commenters I had expected and hoped this blog would attract.
Then again, if I got this much negativity from strangers every time my poor financial decisions cost a friend 20-something dollars, maybe I’d finally stop doing stuff like that. I hope that’s what you were going for, Logan!