The Boomerang Kids Are All Right
Despite anecdotal evidence to the contrary, Pew found that almost half of Boomerang children say they have paid rent and almost 90 percent have helped with household expenses. At this point, the caricature of the Millennial moocher belies the much more nuanced, pragmatic reality. Pooling resources and accepting help isn’t necessarily a sign of extended childhood so much as a smart recession-era move. Privileged kids are doing what they have to do to survive, and research shows they’re not planning on staying home forever, either.
All of that is why our culture should spend less time worrying about the “spoiled” Boomerang kids, and more time helping the ones who don’t have that option.
I was a boomerang kid for a split second after deciding I didn’t want to live and work in Washington D.C. I moved back to my folks’ place in Los Angeles for a few months while working at a trade publication and applying to grad school. It made more sense to do that and save money than pay for a sublet that I would abandon in a few months to move across the country again. I also think my parents liked having me home—especially since I only see them during the holidays now—and yes, they totally appreciated the monetary support (and still do). Were you ever a boomerang kid? Were your parents as welcoming as mine? I’m sure if moving back home wasn’t an option, I would have figured out something else out, but I’m glad I did have that option available to me.
Photo: Flickr/Rob Young
Previously on The Billfold
Being a boomerang kid was paradoxically one of the best things that happened to me. After my PhD funding fell through and I was left with the choice of getting a job in fall 2008 (hahahaha) or taking out hundreds of thousands of dollars in loans, I moved home to pay down debt, try and find another program, and figure out what the hell to do with my life. I was also struggling with disordered eating and one of the worst depressive periods of my life.
I didn’t get into another PhD program. I worked a crappy half-time job for a year and a half making cold calls. But I saw a counselor for the longest extended period of time that I’ve had and she completely turned my brain around. And my parents were hugely welcoming – I’m lucky enough that they support me and were totally understanding, and I’m actually glad that I got the chance to know them as adults. Once I started working full time I started paying “rent,” which was below market and also helped with utilities and groceries. And I tried to help out as much as I could with stuff like housework and yardwork and chores. I was also really glad for the chance to spend more time with my sister, who’s seven years younger than I am.
My dad always said that I was welcome to stay as long as I wanted and needed but that they wanted me out for my own sake. I’m really grateful that they did and that going home wasn’t a terrible bargain.
Yep, done this. For a month in the fall of 2007 post-college, and then again this past fall for three months. Both times I was in-between things, and I left as soon as I found work, because my parents live in a small town and I didn’t want to live there long term. Love my parents, but I grew up out in the country, and I’m done with that. I was thankful to have a place to hunker down during my job search, though.
I didn’t give them rent, because I was unemployed, but I bought my own food and cooked dinner most nights.
I’m living at home right now – which is kind of weird for me, but also has enabled me to pay off my student loans THIS EXACT MORNING FINALLY COMPLETELY FOR THE LAST TIME and put a decent amount of money into savings.
That said, now I need to come up with some really nice Mothers’/Fathers’ Day presents.
@Holden Cauliflower Sweet!!!! Congrats!
@Holden Cauliflower High fives to you!!
@Holden Cauliflower This makes me happy. Good work!
@Holden Cauliflower Do they make Hallmark cards for this occasion? If they did, I would send you a giant musical card that shoots confetti when you open it. Congrats!
@Holden Cauliflower that’s awesome, congrats!
I moved home the August after college for what I thought would be my last-ever summer vacation before my full-time job started that October. The job fell through. I ended up staying with my parents and temping until April, by which point I’d saved up enough to move out. I did chores, paid rent, and spent most weekends at my boyfriend’s place.
I have a bunch of younger brothers and sisters, and my boomerang period was the first time in 5 years that I’d lived with them for more than a few weeks. It was good for me to get to know them better– especially my youngest sister, who went from 6 years old to tweenage during the time I was away.
My mom expected me to move home after college and I think she’s still mad I didn’t. Truthfully, I would have LOVED to move home and live (relatively) rent free, with a fridge full of food, and my awesome little sister, but my hometown just doesn’t have any jobs that would get me anywhere close to the kind of career I wanted and it’s too far from a major city to commute. In the first few post-college years, moving home to waitress or temp just wasn’s as viable as waitressing or temping somewhere else.
I spent about seven months at home right after college graduation. I had zero savings but already knew I wanted to move to NY. My parents’ tiny, tiny town (no, tinier than you’re picturing) had no job opportunities in anything that interested me, my childhood/adolescent friends had all left, none of my college friends were nearby. I was working two retail gigs at the local mall, which was terrible. (Local meaning 45 minutes away.) The only internet available was dial up, so I could barely even interact with people elsewhere. My parents were fantastic (treated me as an adult, respected my privacy, etc) but it was still one of the most depressing periods of my life. (Through not fault of my folks! There just wasn’t anything for me in their town except for them.) Like Bunny Rabbits above, I was grateful for having a place to stay, but had already done the country thing and needed to be somewhere else.
I’ve been at home for about 8 months and I think I’m going to lose it if I’m here for over a full year. I’m working and not paying rent, since I’m not exactly making a lot of money, and my mom agrees that it would be counter-productive for me to be giving her money when the goal is save enough that I never have to move back once I move out. I’m grateful that I had somewhere to go when I didn’t have a job, but very unhappy to be living in the suburbs with no friends less than an hour away.
I graduated college in ’09, and lived at home for almost a full year while trying to find work. I was totally unemployed for a lot of it, then did an unpaid internship (why), the census, and worked at a grocery store. Finally I was called up to the big leagues for a consulting job that I got from, guess what, interpersonal connections/referral. Moved to DC.
While I was at home, my parents didn’t ask me for rent, and we go along swimmingly. I like my family a lot and it was nice being around them so much. I started to be crippingly depressed from being rejected from so
many jobs, feeling like a failure, not being able to move out, etc. I never got anything but love and support from them, though.
I moved home after college because my dad was sick and I only had an unpaid internship across the country- instead of paying rent until I got a job 3 months after moving in, I did chores and anything else they needed help with. Then when I got my job I paid rent until I moved out, after 10 months of living at home.
A lot of times the arrangement of an adult child moving back in can be advantageous to both parties. My parents needed the help and I needed a cheap place to live.
I moved home for a couple of months after college while I looked for a job in the wine industry in California. My mom lives in Sonoma County but I had gone to school down south. It was nice to only have to worry about my job hunt at first. I had no money saved and couldn’t even think about finding my own place. It took me about a month to get a job, but I stayed with my mom for another couple of months until I moved in with a friend. Once I started working, she charged me $250 per month in rent which I hated at the time, but am kind of glad she did in retrospect because it prepared me for paying higher rent once I moved out.
Then I moved home for one week between leases from the Sonoma County place and relocating to San Francisco. She kindly did not charge me rent that week ;)
I lived with my parents in Fairfield County for two stints. The first time was in 2006 when I relocated from DC to NYC for a job and needed to save up all that money for an NYC apartment. I was at home for 10 months because I ended up waiting for my college roommate to relocate from LA. I didn’t save up a ton of money (enough for the security and first and last month’s rent, but not much more than that), so when I moved home again for a job in CT, my mom charged me “rent money” which she put into an account and then gave back to me when I moved in with my boyfriend (again in NYC). That was a great plan, as I couldn’t spend the money and I ended up with a nice nest egg and no credit card debt.
I also have a much younger sister, like many of the commenters and both times that I lived at home, I really loved getting to spend so much time with her and get to know her as an awesome teenager, as opposed to the awesome 10 year old she was when I left for college.
Hell to the no. Getting my degree didn’t make me any less willing to barista/ bartend/ wash dishes/ wait tables/ mow lawns/ nannie/ wait tables than I had been the previous 5 years supporting myself through college. Moving back to my middle of the forest middle of nowhere town in a county without stoplights would have afforded me even less opportunity than living in my car/ couch surfing/ sharing a house with 5 frat boys in San Diego
@Brunhilde (I graduated in 2002, and fully realize that things are different now.)
I’m a perennial boomerang kid. I work in a cyclical industry that has me traveling across the country to a new place ever year or 18 months, and I always come home in the unemployment seasons. While it sucks that all my friends are in the big city an hour away with real people lives and seem to be having way more fun than I am, I’m glad to have living at home as the only safety net my parents can provide (I’ve had to send money home every month while working for the past year.)
The last few times I’ve tried to stall out and live apart on unemployment and savings, but in the end, it makes more sense to be at home: I need to live rent-free, and they need my help. My mom is single and working 60+ hours a week, and neither of my siblings can drive yet; when they were younger, I was the chauffeur, cook and daycare, which was a huge help to our mom. This time around, I’m staying with my dad, in a house that needs tons of renovation that I’m spearheading. Yeah, being in that weird adult-but-still-talked-down-to-sometimes place sucks, it’s really not so bad. And I always have an answer for “So what have you been doing since you worked last?”