One Way to Get a Free Lunch
As told to me by a felon:
1. Leave your debit card at a bar.
2. But don’t realize it until you’re checking out at the cafeteria, and the cashier asks for your debit card, and you find that … you don’t have it.
3. Also have no cash. And no credit cards.
4. Say, sheepishly: “I’m sorry, this is embarrassing, but I left my card. I’ll just put this salad back.”
5. When the cashier says, “Just take it and run,” listen to her.
6. Take it, run.
7. Eat salad without a fork, because, while running, you ran past the utensils.
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Previously on The Billfold
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Similarly, One Way To Get A Free Cab Ride:
Take inexpensive taxi ride (less than $10) in city where cabs don’t have credit card machines. (Hey DC heeeyy!) Attempt to pay for cab ride with your emergency $50 bill. Cabbie has no change, and therefore tells you to not worry about it.
Never do this deliberately. Do not count on it to happen. But this happened to me twice in one month one time, and that was kinda awesome. Tip subsequent cabbies heavily out of guilt.
Also yes, I need to stop taking taxis. I know.
@cherrispryte Weren’t we supposed to get a standardized cab system with credit card machines and stuff, like, ages ago? Or did I hallucinate that? You know you’re in trouble when Baltimore has a better system going than you do.
On topic: I scored a small bag of free coffee from Whole Foods last week by not writing the little code down on the slip of paper you use to mark your bulk goods (THERE WERE NO PENS, OK?). So that was pretty sweet.
@MuffyStJohn Heeeyyy stop hatin’. But really… not all cabs in Baltimore have the machines either. And sometimes even when they do they’ll tell you it’s “broken” because they don’t want to report your fare. And this is why I have no guilt about sometimes shorting taxi drivers on tip in Baltimore, because 90% are jerks. Honest.
@bgprincipessa Oh, I love Baltimore, but the city is not known for having the most efficient systems in place. That’s why the cab thing is such a stark contrast to DC!
I’ve learned that you can only take yellow cabs in B’more – every one I’ve taken has a credit card machine, they have real functional meters, and by and large their drivers are good. I actually thought I was going to be slaughtered while sitting in the back of a Red Ball taxi once. I’ve definitely had cabbies from other companies try to rip me off. But the yellow guys are always good to me.
@MuffyStJohn Hey, there are not zones anymore. For this, I am grateful.
Also, rates went up like CRAZY two weeks ago? I learned this the hard way this very morning. (I was running late, and carrying a cake!)
Once I was in a taxi crossing central park at 2am and I realized i didn’t have cash, so I told him to let me out, and the kind sir was like “hell no” and took me across the park for free. Cause my death would have TOTALLY been on his conscience.
I did this once! Except it was a bagel, and Starbucks. And the barista knows me so I squared up the next day.