My Brain Made Me Do This Thing

We all have brains. This is how my brain worked one time. How does your brain work? 

This morning I woke up and decided it was a good day to work in a coffee shop. So I got dressed and left my house and walked to the coffee shop closest to my house. I walked in. There was Korean pop music playing. I walked out.

I walked to next closest coffeeshop. It was very crowded. And the one plug was just out of reach of the the only seat available. Success here involved a confluence of events that I just wasn’t sure was going to work out. It felt stressful. I walked out. 

I walked ten minutes to next closest coffeeshop. Good light. Good looking people. Door open to breezes. Chair right by a plug. Yes, yes, yes. There was a line, so I took a seat before ordering. I attempted to plug my cord into the wall. It fell out. I tried again. It fell out. I sneak-swapped sockets with the neighbor’s plug. It fell out. I looked around. There was another plug at the other end of the table, and also a seat. The universe loves me sometimes. I got up and tried the other plug. It fell out. I tried it again. It fell out.

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I went back to original chair and sat. I’d come too far for this not to work out! I considered asking the boy next to me if we could share his plug, but decided against it. It’s the kind of thing I would totally be okay with, but I know other people are not okay with things like this. (One time: A friend dropped me off at the airport and as soon as she drove away, I knew I’d left my phone in the car. So I rushed inside and got online and THE ONLY PERSON ONLINE was this guy I’d worked with for a second who I didn’t know very well, but he was MY ONLY HOPE. I IM’d him: “So I know this is weird, but can you call this number and tell the girl who picks up that my phone is in her car?” And he said: “Actually, no I can’t do that because that makes me uncomfortable, and the next time you’re in a spot, ask someone else.”)

I didn’t ask the boy if we could share a plug.

INSTEAD: I asked him if he would watch my computer for a second. (He said yes.) Then I got up and walked four blocks to the 99 cent store (well: two blocks to the hardware store, where I was directed one block to a computer store, where I was directed one block to the 99 cent store). In the 99 cent store, I bought a powerstrip ($2.99) to render the wonky plug usable. I was pleasantly surprised at the price. I had been prepared to spend … whatever it cost. It was thinking $7.) But I got lucky! $2.99. A STEAL.

And that is how I ended up buying a powerstrip before my first cup of coffee of the day. Cheers.

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28 Comments / Post A Comment

jacqueline (#653)

Okay, maybe you didn’t know the phone guy very well, but WHAT A DICK. If someone was really desperate I would do it.

OhMarie (#299)

@jacqueline Right? I would do this for a STRANGER.

bgprincipessa (#699)

@OhMarie Absolutely! Not having your phone is a desperate situation. Especially before getting on a FLIGHT somewhere!

Genghis Khat (#584)

@jacqueline Agreed! I have done that for friends of friends before, what a weirdo.

@jacqueline SERIOUSLY. What the hell, dude. Wheaton’s Law applies as much in real life as on the internet.

cmcm (#267)

@jacqueline You know how sometimes people come up to you with bizarro stories about how they left their wallet in their car and their car is going to get towed and they just a dollar and blahblalh wtf…? Well I hope that that completely implausible situation actually happens to this guy and then no one helps him, because karma.

bgprincipessa (#699)

This story stresses me out. Way too many thought processes before coffee’s been had.

JaneEyre (#817)

Am I the only one who’s always been baffled by the ask-a-stranger-to-watch-your-laptop thing? People do this to me all the time when I’m sitting in coffee shops, and I’m more than happy to do it, but how do they know I’m not going to run away with it? Also: wow, what a jerk, Mr. “no I will not help you get your phone back”!

aidan (#803)

@JaneEyre People are generally good, plus there’s always the “I totally memorized your face and could pick you out of a lineup” thing. It’s not true, of course. People are just generally good.
Except that guy who wouldn’t help Logan out with that super-easy thing. Sheesh.

peacheater (#733)

@JaneEyre I think it’s a combination of 1) yes, people are generally good and 2) people are even more generally good when entrusted with something. Also if there are other people around I think it alerts them to the fact that that is my laptop and they shouldn’t just randomly let someone run away with it.

bgprincipessa (#699)

@JaneEyre It’s definitely a combination of “people are generally good” and “accountability.” Accountability is huge in that type of situation. Did you ever go through CPR or emergency training? They always say you should point to specific people and say “Go call 911″ and “Go get this” … mob mentality doesn’t have a chance to take over, leaving everyone doing nothing because they think others will take care of it. So instead of “Wow, that person’s laptop is being stolen, but it’s not my problem,” people start to feel a sense of responsibility.

maebyfunke (#292)

@JaneEyre One time my friend was in line at Target, and after talking to some woman for a second, she asked him if he would watch her BABY while she went and got something. I guess some people are just very trusting?

dotcommie (#662)

@maebyfunke slightly unrelated, but i was walking by my local thai place and a dude with twins in a double stroller evidently couldn’t get the stroller through the restaurant door, so he just left them outside on the sidewalk while he went to pick up food! he didn’t ask, but i did wait and watch them. this is chicago, not mayberry, dude.

Lily Rowan (#70)

@maebyfunke It seems a lot more likely that someone would steal a laptop on a whim than a baby, though…

@JaneEyre One time in college, this girl asked me and a classmate to watch her bag for a second while she went to the bathroom. About 2 minutes later, a guy walked by and swiped it. The classmate and I both looked at each other, not sure what to do, and let him walk away. It turned out that it was a psych experiment, and they both came back, and made us fill out surveys about how we felt during the experience. (My answer was: kind of pissed.)

For this reason, when strangers ask me to watch their shit, I say no, because I know exactly how I will react: I ain’t chasing down no thief for your stuff.

cmcm (#267)

@Anna Jayne@twitter Oh my God, that psych experiment is pure evil.

I don’t trust anyone. I take my laptop to the bathroom with me. But like… the only time my phone was stolen was when I was sitting at a cafe and it was on the table in front of me and a sneaky con artist swiped it while he was distracting me. (For the record, I chased him down screaming and got the phone back because I am amazing).

Genghis Khat (#584)

Initially I thought this story was about Logan deciding to work in a coffee shop as a barista or something. So I was wondering what kind of Adrian Monk thing would make you so worried about outlets at a place where you work.

And then I remembered that Logan writes for the internet. Because I’m reading her. On the internet. This is how my brain doesn’t work.

@Genghis Khat I thought that, too! I mean, I figured it out quickly (by the second coffee shop). But at first I thought she had just woken up and decided to apply for jobs as a barista.

@OneTooManySpoons (I’m not very bright)

@Genghis Khat
I’m so glad I’m not the only one.

Kat (#820)

About the phone guy…

If awkward moments make him feel uncomfortable, then he should have felt far more uncomfortable replying that to you than actually doing the task asked of him. It was both ruder and more awkward. I don’t believe he actually felt uncomfortable about doing it. He just wanted to be a jerk.

probs (#296)

Here’s how my brain works:

I’m going on vacation all next week, and decided I would work a half day, and I was working from home, all of which means that I was hungover. After my half day was done, just an hour ago, I walked to the CVS and picked up some things I needed: paper towels, bandaids, and disposable gloves. As I was checking out, I saw that the very nice man, who seemed maybe new to the job and whose accent made his words a little hard to parse, had wrung up the disposable gloves (the most expensive item) up three times, and did not ring up the other items. It was 5-7 dollars more than if it had been wrung up properly.

I didn’t say anything. I paid 5-7 bucks for the privilege of not causing myself hassle while hungover and not embarrassing this guy in general and especially because his manager was right there. Ultimately I feel it was worth it.

probs (#296)

@probs Can we please get an edit function up in here? “wrung up,” Jesus.

Why the fuck are there things in the 99 cent store that are more than 99 cents?

bibliostitute (#285)

@Reginal T. Squirge Cause they end in .99! The rule is, never a whole dollar!

@bibliostitute hahahaha that is definitely NOT what a 99 cent store means

bibliostitute (#285)

@Rosemary McClure@facebook I mean, I assure you that every 99 cent store I went to growing up in the possibly failed city-state of Seattle had clearly stated that the idea was everything ended in .99 — 0.99 up to 9.99.

So, I guess it is definitely what a 99 cent store can mean? Me, I’m a descriptivist!

@bibliostitute hahaha well that is the most useless thing ever then!

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