Five Spendy Instincts I Ignored This Weekend And Only One I Didn’t (Pats on Back)
For a long time I have lived like I have all the money, despite having none of the money. I am trying to change this! But my brain still wants to spend all the money. FOR EXAMPLE, this weekend, I thought these things (but did these things):
1. I should eschew my two-year-old personal ban on two-piece bathing suits and buy a new bikini because 28 is too young to never be almost-nearly-naked in public again (Browsed Internet for some hours, tortured self by imagining alternate life in which I had and used $250 bikinis, did not purchase anything—though, to be clear, this wasn’t even an option, as I have no money or fake money)
2. Out on a walk with friends, I should buy everyone $3 popsicles as a fun treat (We each bought our own $3 popsicle, and then we each bought a second one because: lunch)
3. Not getting it together and missing a dear friend’s birthday can be remedied by overnighting a dreamy summer dress (Wrote a neurotic email and planned a little package of tiny lovely things)
4. I should refuse my friends’ offer to bring cheese and bread and cocktails to our country sleepover and provide a super spread myself (Said, “Thank you,” and bought a few things of my own to contribute to dinner, happily got drunk on their booze)
5. The proper repayment for someone letting you stay in their amazing country house for two weeks is to buy them a french press to replace their electric coffee maker that does not go with the otherwise perfect aesthetic of their home (I’m actually probably still going to do this, but I at least successfully put off the purchase for a minute)
And one I didn’t ignore:
That after walking around for hours and getting drenched in a rainstorm and then caught on a train platform and not having eaten anything and it being 4 p.m., that it was okay for me to buy a $10 french lentil salad and an $8 bloody mary and sit on a covered porch and read a book (It was basically lovely, worth the price of admission, though I will always say that about any money spent. For real though: I should have eaten a slice of pizza across the street)
I think one of the most difficult things about being working AND poor is the fact that you have to deny yourself of so. many. things. And that every single purchase is scrutinized…I find myself staring at my mint account going “so…ok- what should I have cut out then?? The 4 dinners out I had am month? The five times I went to a bar and had like two drinks?!” I find it difficult to even imagine living the life that wouldn’t allow me to have ANY FUN AT ALL. The worst part is being post 30 and being so damn tired of not having money, and just wanting a reward of any kind. A new dress seems like the kind of indulgence that’s completely out of reach; even a lentil salad and bloody mary brings on a guilt complex because I have literally nothing in my savings, and that shouldn’t be the case for someone who has a full time job.
I think by “instincts” you meant “impulses”. But good work on ignoring the evil spendy voice in your head!
Jake’s point is interesting. I’ve been thinking that working full-time sometimes makes me spend so much more on frivolous purchases, because I’m always tired/thirsty/hungry on my way to/from work, and being in the middle of a big city I walk past at least 5 Starbucks daily.
Dresses used to be my big indulgence, but after reading an article about how it’s so much more satisfying to spend money on “experiences” as oppose to material needs, I did notice that the thrill of a new dress usually lasts me 5 days TOPS. Afterwards the novelty simply wore off and it just became yet another dress in my closet. I start thinking about this now everytime I have an impulse to buy another cute dress in mustard yellow. It has worked somehow — 3 new dresses (one second-hand/vintage) in the last 10 months only!
@P-Bomb I agree on the dress thing. To be honest, a few years ago, that’s how I got my own (relatively small) debt under control. I’m now still in the habit of walking out of shops without things to see if I still want them a few metres down the road. Most of the time the answer is not really. I want that feeling, not the item.
The spendy instinct I didn’t ignore this weekend: I was walking back to my boyfriend’s parents’ house and I felt a little chilly in a tank top and shorts, so I stopped in J. Crew and bought a chambray shirtdress to wear (it was not on sale and thus had a triple-digit price tag, eek!). BUT I did not buy the neon fuchsia belt the sales lady wanted me to wear with it.
@cuminafterall I should say also, it was a 7-mile walk. That’s a long way to walk when you’re underdressed. But I wasn’t about to die of exposure, either. Moral of the story: always carry a sweater.
@Jake Reinhardt I know I’m going to come across as an old fuddy-duddy prude, but this kind of bugged me: “…The five times I went to a bar and had like two drinks?!”
I promise, I have no problem with alcohol (and even have my own medical card for some other stuff here in CA), but if you’re that broke – why are you all still drinking in bars?
I see this in a lot of Logan’s notes too. Alcohol is freaking expensive. Alcohol in bars is ridiculously so, both because it’s expensive off the top, and really hard to stop once you’ve started, and then a whole lot easier to get talked into whatever midnight snack comes next.
I completely understand and support small indulgences, letting off steam, being young in the big city, etc. But, if you’re over 22 and you can’t enjoy hanging out with your friends while drinking a diet coke just as much as you can with some rum in that coke, then it’s time to get more interesting friends. Or you need to be a more interesting you. Or maybe you need to be in treatment (not saying I think that of you, just a general thought on alcohol as a need instead of a want).
@sony_b well, you have interesting points. However, I have more interesting points. Alcohol is expensive, yes, but going to bars is ENJOYABLE, which is my point. I have a budget of $150 for entertainment a month, which includes my netflix, shows, etc. etc. and all, yes all, my bar expenditures. I do not enjoy drinking alone, and I just moved to a new city, so a lot of socializing is done in bars. Five times out at a bar is equal to about…35, 40 dollars worth of drinks. So you’re saying I should what, sit at home those 5 nights, to put away that big ol’ nest egg? I’d need to pay a whole lot more to regain my sanity. Methinks you missed my point: what are the rewards to living a life like that? I put money in my 401k, pay my health insurance, and live a pretty damn frugal lifestyle, but there is nothing left over for saving/planning/dreaming at the end of the month. I could cut out more, but to what end?
@Jake Reinhardt I didn’t miss your point – you missed mine. I get that going to bars is enjoyable.
If two drinks per night x five nights = $40 where you live, then you live in a much much cheaper place than I do. Or I’m a snot about what bars I’ll hang out in and what I like to drink. I don’t discount either one of those possibilities. My mental math tallies up at closer to $100 for ten drinks, including tips and probably not including a way home.
“what are the rewards to living a life like that?” – the rewards are having some extra cash in your checking account and having options in an emergency.
One of the really common themes I see here in Logan’s posts and in comments to them is this idea that fun = alcohol, that everyone deserves some baseline amount of fun stuff just for holding a job (but that the baseline amount of fun seems to be flexible based on what sort of fun is available to be had), and that adding little bits to nest eggs doesn’t count/isn’t worth it.
My point is that yes, an extra $40 a month for planning/dreaming, whatever might actually be worth it. Both for the savings themselves, and also for the attitude shift that comes along with doing it.
And yes, I do speak from experience. Our food/entertainment budget (including groceries) is $200 per week for two adults, and we can easily afford that. How did we get here? Working our asses off, multiple jobs, grad school while working full time, and yes, giving up drinking alcohol in bars for several years in my 20s to save for something better.
Now I’m 40, I still do go to school and do trainings to up my game professionally (next up, Program Management Professional class, test, certification), but I also earn six figures for mostly hanging around at home in my bathrobe answering email and occasionally traveling to some really cool places to speak or work a booth at a tech conference.
In my case I can draw a straight line from money saved from drinking diet cokes instead of booze when I was earning $12.50 an hour, to having a nest egg big enough to allow for graduate school (started at age 33), which led to the pretty damn awesome job I have today. Did I have substantially less fun than my peers at the time? I don’t think so. I have great memories and no regrets.
@sony_b ah HA! Two adults! I’m giving you a slow clap. It is much easier to hang out at home when you’re in a couple. Much much much much easier. And yes, I do have more fun when I have alcohol, and guess what? That is a-ok. And yes, I do believe that everyone deserves a base amount of fun for holding a job. I think that the lack of fun is one HUGE HUGE problem of the ‘American Protestant Work Ethic”. My guess is we are both seeing eachother’s points, and that we equally think those points are bullshit.
“Americans have much shorter vacations than Europeans. While German, Italian and French workers enjoy, on average, more than 40 days of vacation a year, the average American has to make do with just two weeks.” WTF. We are doing it wrong here.
@Jake Reinhardt Be careful with your slow claps. I’m in a couple now, but I wasn’t then. The BF is a post-grad-school acquisition for sure.
I do agree that we’re doing it wrong here, and that the way it is sucks. But the sucking of it doesn’t change the sometimes sucky choices we have to make.
It’s not about being a puritan. It’s about figuring out the life you want to live in the future and figuring out the best way to get there in the society/culture we currently have.
And to be clear, I don’t object to a baseline amount of fun. Quality of life is really important. I do object to the idea that fun = alcohol, and that alcohol consumption = default social activity.
@sony_b It cut me off “…and that alcohol consumption = default social activity.” Drink all you want. It’s your money, your choice. Your defensiveness about it doesn’t change the impact your choices are going to have on your future.
@sony_b Apparently the internet gods don’t want me to finish that phrase.
Now I’m just testing: “alcohol consumption = default social activity.”
@sony_b “consumption”
Or just, drinking out is the same kind of luxury as eating out. Go buy a bottle. Even a bottle of much better stuff than you’d get at $5 a drink, if you’ve got a few people.
@NoReally That’s true as well. I’m operating from the assumption that if they’re that young, and that broke, they probably don’t have a comfortable place to hang out for free.