so true. after years of working cash registers at fairly busy eating establishments, i came to believe that the people who go all demure “oh no, really i couldn’t possibly, oh no really i couldn’t” with a line behind them are the damn devil. not only that but some people drag it out so long it basically turns into an argument. “NO, goddamn you, you paid last time” “DON’T TAKE HIS MONEY, MR CASHIER, THIS MAN IS A WARLORD AND THAT IS BLOOD MONEY”
@Timothy Christopher Ryan Volpert@facebook I’ll never understand people who can’t handle having casual back-and-forth debts with friends, especially friends you have meals with frequently. It’s like, next time, just offer to pay? You don’t need to bust out a ledger or start sweating and itching at your shirt collar out of terror.
There’s a couple my wife and I get dinner with semi-frequently, and the one (and only) time we said we’d pick up the bill they acted like we’d just asked if they’d be interested in wife-swapping.
@Timothy Christopher Ryan Volpert@facebook I am presently a cashier at a huge, hugely busy store containing all the things and this drives me fucking nuts. I am going to either split this shit in half or I am going to take the money of the first person who offers it. I am not here to mediate your fucking relationship, and it is stressful to me and shitty when you make me part of your relationship drama.
@Timothy Christopher Ryan Volpert@facebook
“”NO, goddamn you, you paid last time, “DON’T TAKE HIS MONEY, MR CASHIER, THIS MAN IS A WARLORD AND THAT IS BLOOD MONEY”
I’m midwestern, so usually I say, “oh that’s alright…” once, THEN I say “well thank you.” Midwestern variation.
@JaneEyre Indeed. You must offer me something at least twice. If it the last of something you must offer it three times. I love the Midwest.
@JaneEyre Exactly so. I generally lead with “Are you sure?” Because honestly sometimes people, especially dudes on first dates, have been like, “Actually can you cover tip?” or something. But it’s never a long drawn out thing. And it never happens at the cash register. As mentioned above, THAT behavior makes you the worst.
I think you should put up a small fight if only for politeness’s sake.
I have a real problem with this because I come from a formal family and saw my friends relate to their friends in a pretty formal way… as in, if I invite you to dinner, I expect to pick up the check. This of course does not go for close friends, but I pretty much expect it for acquaintances, especially as I approach my 30′s. You can imagine this is awkward, though, since apparently nobody else on the planet abides by this kind of etiquette.
The only person who agrees with me is the writer of this essay: Finally, if there is one maxim that supersedes all others, it is that the person who issues the invitation picks up the check. If you can’t afford dinner, arrange drinks. Or a picnic. If truly elegant, the person who has more money would pay. If in doubt, that would be you. http://therumpus.net/2012/02/on-elegance/
@Evergreen Sorry, meant to say I saw my PARENTS relate to their friends in a formal way.
@Evergreen I’m sorry, I’m going to just stop. I’m an idiot. If I invite you to dinner, I expect to pick up the check. *sigh* I’m going to slink off. Love you, Logan.
@Evergreen You’re not the only one! Some of those rules are fascinating, and I kinda like them. Sometimes they can be dangerous, too, though. My mom was nervous after my dad died that no one would want to eat dinner with her anymore because classically if a married couple invites a single or widowed woman out, the couple is supposed to pick up her check. Luckily for her, no one else was up on their Emily Post, so her social life has continued without her having to feel like a mooch.
Works for me. If it’s a friend who treats often, I make it a point to buy him/her a nice b-day gift.
I always ask “Are you sure?” “And then, FINE but I’m getting it next time!”
Also I feel like a full body hug is also appropriate.
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