What to Get a Baby for His Birthday
This weekend we celebrated my nephew’s second birthday. He ate chips and guacamole (or rather, ate guacamole using a chip as a utensil) and played with three kinds of train sets. He hated the happy birthday song, but liked the part where we said his name. He ignored his piece of cake. When he started to get tired and had enough of the party, he went around to each guest and gently prodded them: “Bye.”
People brought presents, and he helped open them. His eyes only lit up at one, the first, a locomotive that was also bubble blower. The accompanying gallon jug of bubble solution also proved to be moderately interesting. The rest of the gifts—a drum, a bathing suit, some pajamas, baby’s first golf set, a pint-sized recliner, a trash truck, and on and on, will be loved and enjoyed, sometime, I’m sure. Maybe.
Aunt of the year, I didn’t get him anything.
I’d wanted to get him the perfect something, but I’d run out of time, of money, of ideas. My quest for a gift brought me to a toy store, one of the nice ones, with wooden kitchens and felt play food and a section marked “proudly made in the USA.” Stuffed animals are always irresistible, but having just culled through my own collection on my last trip home, I was wary of burdening him with an additional teddy bear that it would hurt his heart to throw away in twenty-five years (or fewer-I can be sentimental). Nothing else spoke to me. He loves trains, but he has trains. He loves being outside, but he lives next to a park. He doesn’t need anything, and he’s too young to appreciate a tiny thing meant only to say: “I considered you.”
I left the toy store empty-handed, then went to a clothing shop that had lots of lovely little boy things. I looked at little desert boots and denim jackets and madras shorts and wanted to get him one of everything, but got him nothing. Babies don’t care about clothes.
I sat on my hands during the present-opening. I felt a pang of regret at as I watched his excitement at the bubble train, and I wished that I had gotten it for him. That I had purchased something and put it in his hands and made him happy. But then someone had something he wanted and he was off after other things, bubble train forgotten, for now.
And then I realized: Babies don’t give a shit about presents.
Most of the presents I’ve bought for him during his little life have been for a future version of himself: a drawing of his parents, a Swedish knapsack that is the size that he is now, an Italian wool blazer that will fit him in a few years, stacks of books. At Christmas I did get him a red union suit. He looked adorable. He didn’t care.
I’d considered opening some kind of account for him, and every birthday and holiday putting in the $20 or $40 or whatever that I would have spent on plastic crap. It seemed complicated. So now my plan is that one day I’ll write him a check, a good and big one, equalling years and years of plastic toys not purchased. I’ll tell him not to spend it all in one place, pause, and then tell him that actually, he can spend it wherever he wants. Happy birthday, baby.
Photo Credit: flickr/protohiro
“So now my plan is that one day I’ll write him a check, a good and big one, equalling years and years of plastic toys not purchased.”
Ingenious! For $0 you have a plan that allows you to ignore those irritating pangs of conscience that tell you you ought to spend some time and money on a human other than yourself.
OH THIS KITTEN’S GOT CLAWS
@short shrift That was way harsh, Tai.
But seriously, I like the idea behind this but maybe you can give him something without buying a lot of plastic crap. Have his parents set up a 529 account or something like that for college? Contribute most of what you would have spent to that, then buy him a coloring book or bubbles or something. Kids are like cats, they ignore expensive toys most of the time and play with cheap/free things (up to a certain age anyway).
@melis Rawr rawr.
@short shrift Oh, come on (said politely and without malice or disdain in my voice). She has bought him presents, and presents that are more meaningful than a plastic toy that will be discarded, and will give him more one day. Present pressure is a little ridiculous at times, and the guilt involved can be frustrating. However, I feel fairly certain that Logan, who appears to be a kind and caring person, will certainly get him presents when she can, and when he reaches an age where his eyes will light up at everything he gets.
I considered paying my taxes. It seemed complicated. So now my plan is that I’ll put together a collection of good thoughts for the IRS, and one day, when the collector knocks down my door, I’ll have a portfolio of good wishes to share.
@thewurst No. She won’t. Do you know why? Because she is never going to spend time and money on a human other than herself ever again. Those days are over now. It’s just Logan against the coming storm. She is both king and country. She is unfettered. She will go into the desert alone and she will return alone. Those irritating pangs of conscience died with her poor defenseless family the day the Others came.
Now there is only Logan.
@melis <3 you tha cleverest, gurl
@short shrift Recall Logan’s post about the thousand upon thousands of dollars she has accrued in credit card debt. She should not be buying anyone presents. She is the sort of person who has had to ask me to borrow money to buy dinner on my birthday, which is thoughtful, but NO. She needs to be generous with herself—pay off her bills and get her life and finances in check—before she is allowed to be generous with others.
Also, I don’t like 529 plans, and I’ll explain why in a post soon.
@Mike Dang I honestly just registered for a commenting ID (which I never do) just so I could beg you to write about why you don’t like 529 plans! PLEASE do this soon! I have two kids and a nagging sense of guilt about their nonexistent 529 plans.
@Splendiferous I’ve had friends get screwed (go WA! bad on all fronts of educational monies!) because our state’s 529 is a prepaid tuition deal, and actually most private schools seem hesitant to take tuition payments that “low”
I considered contributing my share of the restaurant bill. It seemed complicated. So now my plan is that I’ll mooch off the good-will of my friends and then one day I’ll just get a bunch of money somewhere and give it back to them.
@short shrift
I imagine you’re the kind of person who registers for $300 crib sheets for your baby shower and gets upset when someone buys off the registry.
@Tuna Surprise Yes! and I only eat bread made from the ground-up bones of peasants. Expensive, but soooo worth it! :)
@short shrift You are a young attractive female, aren’t you?
@cherrispryte I’m so young and attractive I’m practically a fetus.
Right on. Seriously, babies don’t get two poops about presents. Also, our landfills are full, FULL of baby stuff that gets out grown in a year. You can show that you care about someone without having to buy a plastic train set for them every year.
I actually like this plan. I think that as a society, we place a little too much value in presents. And they can be EXPENSIVE. Not to mention the cards and wrapping paper to go with it.
My grandparents always gave me savings bonds, as I’m sure a lot of other 90′s kids did. But now that I’m in my 20′s and they are coming due, I am really thankful. And that way you can contribute little by little instead of all at once. Also, you won’t be coming to birthday parties empty handed.
@melis Ha! also :(
(great contribution to the conversation with this one, thewurst)
@thewurst Also, great job at replying appropriately apparently.
Babies don’t give a crap about presents! It’s TRUE. Or they get excited about the thing you don’t think is worth mentioning – my nieces were excited about the boxes things came in through kindergarten. But the parents do care, typically, and eventually you will want to show up with *something.*
Ask the parents what clothes he needs, or will need soon – little kids grow out of stuff super-fast. Then go to one of the many awesome kiddie second-hand clothes shops in NYC, and get him some of those. The parents will thank you, and you will not have brought more plastic crap into their home.
Not to be a bitch or whatever, but maybe get the kid a book next year? Kids books are usually less than $10, but it’s still a good present, and sends the “Money’s tight but I’m still trying to be considerate” message to the parents, who, let’s be honest, are the real people who do give a shit here?
Also, yay books.
@cherrispryte This is probably what I should’ve said.
@cherrispryte It’s a good point, she still can do a little something, but you don’t have to spend money to be kind and generous. She could offer to take the kid to a museum on a free day, which would be fun for the kid, and also nice for the parents because it gives them some time to themselves for a bit. She could take the kid to the library and read books.
Logan is an emotional spender. She has bought round after round of drinks for friends, and bought dinners, and clothes for them, and has just been so generous—she does these things because she wants people to be happy. Unfortunately this has all gone on her credit cards. And this guilt—I have to spend money for this person because of [x]—has made $10 worth of spending into $10,000 worth of credit card debt. This is the first time Logan has realized she doesn’t have to spend money for someone when she doesn’t have any of it. And I think that’s huge for her. She’s breaking the cycle for the first time.
ladies and gents, please meet mike dang, my therapist. also, guiiiillttyyyyy as chargedddddddddddd.
@Logan Sachon If your sibling and in-law love you, they will understand and be super happy for you that you’re getting control of your money. And, rather than getting them another $20 toy, you’re giving the gift of not having to ask them for money in 4 months because you’re dead broke and need a loan. And they love this gift! It is a great gift! Much better than a toy!
And as for the kid, one day down the line you’ll have your finances in order and you’ll buy him a $2 ice cream cone during a nice day at the park, and that will thrill him. AND he’ll remember it.
@OneTooManySpoons (I just re-read my comment and realized it came off sounding… harsh? When actually the tone I was going for was, “hooray for you, this is an unfortunate but responsible decision, and you will all be happy!”)
@Logan Sachon @Mike Dang If you really loved him, you’d just bring him a big empty cardboard box- those are the greatest toys in the world! Ha.
But I completely agree, the kid is so young and wouldn’t need another overpriced hunk of plastic (that might later sit in a landfill. And I LOVE books as gifts, but like Mike said (and actually Dave Ramsey too… ugh) the most important thing is to get your own financial self in order now and you can consider monetary gifts in the future.
There is so much guilt linked with the price tag of a gift being equated with it’s value, and it’s something I struggle with all the time. But right now, just visiting and playing and spending time forming a relationship with your nephew is totally gift enough (or better).
And when in doubt, I’d say old school, hand-made coupons are the best. (The cheesier and cheaper the better). My brother and I once found a Father’s Day coupon for a “Free Car Wash” we made when we were around 5 and 8. We re-gifted it at 19 and 22, it was pretty awesome.
@short shrift She did mention that she’s gotten him “stacks of books”, along with 4 other nice sounding presents, and the kid is only 2. Also, one of the parents is (presumably) her sibling, and is probably somewhat privy to her current financial situation. The “it sounded complicated” line did sound a little flip, but I think the overall message is a worthwhile, sane view and a counterpoint to the more prevalent “gifts must be physical objects” way of thinking.
@highfivesforall Augh, why can’t we edit? Why can’t I properly quote an article I am directly commenting on? s/sounded/seemed/
@Mike Dang A two year old is way too young for anything but a children’s museum, and even then it depends on the kid. BUT a day of babysitting at the parents’ home, hanging out with the kid while the parents go to a movie or get brunch? That, my friend, is a world-class gift.
@Mike Dang This “not spending money” idea you mention seems foreign and confusing to me. Which is probably why I’m here.
Also, in the harsh light of morning, my comment seems way meaner than I meant it to be. Oh the trouble of conveying tone over the internet.
@Mike Dang @Logan Sachon, can I just say that I love this place, and I’m glad y’all are here? Because I do and I am.
Cultural pressure for presents is absolutely ridiculous. It’s mostly crap that never gets used, no matter the age of the recipient. Don’t feel guilty! He’ll remember something cool you did with him way longer and more fondly than random plastic thingie.
My nephew turned 2 on April 8th!
I am an accountant so I’m decent with money (in theory) and also feel sick when I see how much money is wasted on babies who don’t need anything (my sister wanted us to get my nephew a bigger fish tank for his birthday. the fish tank he currently has is just too small for his 2 year old tastes apparently)…
For my sister’s baby shower, I gave her a $4 clearance clothing item from Babies R Us that would fit him when he was 1. I also gave her a card with a print out of a savings account deposit of $200 dollars.
When my nephew was born, I transferred another $100.
Technically this account is in my name right now. On his second birthday it has $1,000 collected from me and my father and other sister. When it hits 12,000 I’ll have to transfer it into his name to not have taxes on it, And I’m guessing I’ll do that with bond purchases so he can’t access the money until he’s in college (my roommate had bonds mature right after college that paid off her student debt, I’d love to do this for him).
Now my third sister is pregnant. My nephew’s mother consistently has her water turned off but bought 2 Christmas Trees and the party she threw for my nephew cost upwards of $500. My pregnant sister does not want to follow in her footsteps. Our core family is 6 people. Our parents, and we four girls. Parents are divorced and in new relationships, my 3 sisters all have boyfriends but I’m using the 6 as a guide.
If, instead of frivolous gifts we put $100 dollars per core family member aside on birthdays and Christmas (that’s $50 each per couple) her kid will graduate high school with 21,600 (not including interest income) to her name. 26,400 when she graduates college.
Thankfully this sister is much more willing to listen to this idea. As a person who is sitting on the low number of $30k in student debt, I recommend this to anyone with a niece or nephew. My current nephew won’t have as much because no one’s willing to partake, but going forward it would be a great gift to give to the next generation of our family.
I’m really inspired by your shared savings account idea. Want to write a guide on how to convince family members to partake? logan@thebillfold.com x
I have a 4-year-old daughter. We have set up a 529 savings plan for her, and any money she gets as a gift goes right into it. In fact, she calls checks “college money.” She’s now at an age where she’s really into getting gifts, but they definitely do not have to be expensive to make her happy. Spending time with a family member doing something special is also a huge deal. This doesn’t have to cost money — she would love it if her uncle took her to the library or playground (if all her uncles didn’t live so far away, that is).