The One Where Logan and Mike Jump on the Juice Bandwagon

Logan: So Mike. We just paid $9 each for cups of green juice, because Edith and Brian told us to. Well, they told everyone to, and we followed suit.

Mike: I can’t stop making juice puns in my head. Terrible, terrible juice puns. Like, I’m feeling re-juice-venated?

Logan: IT’S THE JUICE TALKING! IT WORKS! Also, I can’t stop laughing at the idea of juice puns. Can’t stop, won’t stop. EDITH WAS RIGHT. JUICE=DRUGS Mike, tell me, do you feel stoned right now?

Mike: I had to think about it! Which, I mean, regular Mike Dang would have responded right away and said, “No way, that’s crazy!” So, yes?

Logan: I feel kind of floaty? What is in this juice?!!? 

Mike: I’m not sure if that juice bar was legit. I followed Edith’s recipe (wheat grass, celery, kale, bee pollen, cayenne, apple cider vinegar, lemon), and the juice dude was like, “What are you saying? Write it down!” And then he was like, “Nope, nope, on the cayenne pepper and apple cider vinegar,” so we had to improvise, which STRESSED ME OUT.

Logan: I saw a lot of raw vegetable matter in there. I think it was legit. And that bee pollen looked like the real deal. I can’t unfocus my eyes. Is that normal? And now I’m laughing again. I’m liveblogging my juice trip.

Mike: My favorite part was when we got the juice, and then we tried the juice, and we started walking around the streets of New York saying JUUUUUIICE! People were looking at us funny. I think they thought we were saying “JEWS?”

Logan: Those first few minutes were the best. We were high on life and juice. Juice and Jews do sound very similar, you’re correct. Earlier, when there was a parade of Jews outside the window, and I said, “Oh, look, a parade of Jews,” did you think I had said, “A parade of juice?”

Mike: Oh yeah, the parade! No, it was clearly Jews. They were being clear about that with the music they were playing. But I love Jews too.

Logan: I have to pee. You know, JUICE.

Mike: So, dude at the juice place looked at the list and said, “This is expensive!” Which was funny to me, because it seemed like he was trying to talk us out of getting our JUICE.

And then he was like, “Get the wheatgrass powder instead of the juice, it’s cheaper.” And I was sort of taken aback. We were here for JUICE. We weren’t walking around the street yelling, “Powder!” like this was 1995, and we had just watched a movie about an albino boy.

Logan: Oh wow. Oh wow. You’re right. He was a downseller, not a upseller, for sure. I got the sense that he’d been burned before, by people who thought they knew about juice, but didn’t really know about juice, and he was trying to keep us from walking out and not paying for juice.

Mike: I liked it though. And I think he was really looking out for us. He told us the juice was going to be bitter if we didn’t add some apples, so he juiced some of those too. So, $9 juice. Worth it?

Logan: I’m not going to finish mine. I think I’m having some kind of reaction. I feel so weird. I’m so excited … I’m so scared. This is why I don’t do drugs. I hate this feeling.

Mike: I feel good! Think about all those nutrients you’re getting beyond your daily coffee and bagel.

Logan: I think my body is rejecting them. Maybe it’s like when you’re really dehydrated, you can’t just guzzle water or you’ll die. If you don’t eat leafy greens for a long time, maybe juice is your kryptonite.

Mike: Well, I would definitely consider doing this again. Being who I am though, I have to really justify spending $9 for juice. I’ll consider this as an occasional treat, like when I limited myself to spending $16 on a lobster roll just once per month during the summer.

Logan: You deserve as many lobster rolls as you want. And as for me, I’m not sure i’m a juice gal. I’d rather spend my $9 on a cocktail. Or a piece of cake.


10 Comments / Post A Comment

melis (#42)

Ahh but was it renumerative? Did you actually get $9 worth of juice?

melis (#42)

What does $9 of juice look like, would they blend a $5 bill into it

Megano! (#124)

@melis If those are the cups, those are pretty full of juice, but $9 full? I dunno. I know wheatgrass is pretty expensive, but like, apples aren’t. Celery DEFINITELY ISN’T.

Mike Dang (#2)

@melis Yes! Definitely $9 worth of juuuuuice!

@Mike Dang What is in the top portion of the cup? Grass froth?

Mike Dang (#2)

@wallsdonotfall Juice foam! Which was my least favorite part of the juice.

boysplz (#56)

@Mike Dang Maybe you could like it better if you pretend that it’s the head of a fancy beer?

automaticdoor (#145)

I feel like a three-year-old but I just can’t drink green juice. I don’t know why. I just can’t. Am I doomed to be unhealthy forever?

@automaticdoor Yes.

whizz_dumb (#151)

Juice is good, e$pecially with gin.

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